Eclipse: The Never-Ending Argument

"You're impossibly fast and strong, your skin is pale white and ice cold... I know what you are." 


"Say it. Say it out loud." 


"...Polar Bear."


If i had Facebook, i would have "liked" that. But i don't, so i put it here for you to giggle at. That is, if you, like every teenage girl in the world, have read the Twilight books. 


I saw Eclipse yesterday. I found it... long. But that's all i expected, just like the other 2 films, and all 4 books. 


As we left the cinema, and before getting called "little whores" by a fat 10 year old (i *love* living in Bromley) my friends and i had a disagreement. I think EVERYONE my age must have had this disagreement and although i could happily murder everyone i saw wearing a bag/t-shirt/badge with "team Jacob" or "team Edward" on, i think i'm going to tell you my opinion.


It's Edward. Always.


SO if we're talking about the character in the book, look at it this way, Edward is a vampire, he's described as the most beautiful man in the world (or something like that, i can't be bothered to look up the exact quote), his family is ridiculously rich and enjoy buying expensive things for Bella, he's read practically every book in the world and is a brilliant pianist, he can read people's minds. He tried to kill himself when he thought Bella was dead - that's devotion. Also, he is glittery!!


Then Jacob, he's a wolf. He's about 3 or 4 years younger than Bella and spends his spare time dissecting cars. He's self-obsessed and can't seem to understand why Bella isn't completely in love with him. He can't read people's minds but the rest of his "pack" can hear his thoughts. HE TURNS INTO A WOLF when he gets angry/a bit over-excited, that could get very very awkward. Don't forget that one of his wolf friends got angry, turned into a wolf then like, broke his girl-friend's in the face. ouchie. 


But if we're talking about Robert Pattinson or Taylor Lautner... it's still Robert Pattinson (although Peter Facinelli is much better looking than either than them)


Robert Pattinson looks like a batman cartoon, i haven't yet decided if this is a bad thing or not. Ignore the MASSIVE eyebrows and he's quite good looking, if a bit girly,he looks like an Abercrombie model which *should* be a bad thing but to be honest i don't think it is, however he knows it, which always makes someone at least 75% LESS attractive. 

But then Taylor Lautner, what can i say...? My friend's argument was "he's got an amazing body, the face... well, i could put up with that". Has he got an amazing body? I'd say no, it's actually quite scary, imagine if he hugged you - he'd squish you! And what is that? He's got some interesting 2nd shoulder thing going on there. Is that normal? Does that make you think "sexy" because it makes me think "maybe you should go to a doctor about that"

I'm not sure if it's because his body is so muscular but his head is tiny! it's ridiculous, it looks as if it's going to roll away at any point. But then his face! HIS FACE?! What happened there? He also has rather large eyebrows but i don't think you notice them as much as you do Robert Pattinson's because his teeth seem to steal most of the attention for themselves. They practically jump out at you dancing in from of your face yelling "LOOK, look at these enormous white teeth." Even though these two particular features are so striking, it's not like the nose goes unnoticed, it's just THERE, i can only make sense of it like this - his eyebrows and his teeth had a huge battle as to which would get the most face space and his nose got caught in the middle. Although i have to say, in the film, when he turns into the wolf, it is the cutest thing ever. Awww. 

I'll stop being horrible about the men now and say this instead:


Kristen Stewart, your teeth looked better before. Also, i hate you.