It's My Birthday And I'll Be A Miserable Bitch If I Want To

People keep reminding me that it's nearly my birthday, every time they do this, i cry a little bit inside.

I realised that i didn't enjoy birthdays at all on my 10th birthday. It wasn't great, it really wasn't great, i'm not about to list all the events that made it bad but I remember sitting on the floor with my then 7 year old cousin crying because i wasn't opening my present fast enough, thinking "the sooner this is over, the better." The next 4 Birthdays have all ended in tears.

My friends and family all make a huge effort to make it nice, and i do appreciate it. But the most important word in that statement is definitely "effort". It takes so much effort; when i'm older i don't want my birthday to be acknowledged at all, there's so much pressure on you to have fun, there's this horrible stuffy feeling of fake happiness coming from everyone and it makes me want to smash things. But smashing things is not allowed, because "everyone's made so much EFFORT for you."

I don't want it.

The other night, as i was being told by my father that i need to be "more cooperative - your mother's very stressed about your birthday" (she thinks SHE'S stressed?!) i found myself blurting out, "can we not? could we just pretend it isn't happening? couldn't you just leave my birthday present at the end of my bed in the night then can we pretend like it's a normal day?"

"no, this means a lot to your mother"

I've been saying for the last 2 weeks that i don't want a birthday cake, it's a waste of cake - other than my parents i don't really have anyone to share it with. However, this isn't allowed either. I don't like chocolate cake (well, i do but it's complicated), i don't like butter-icing or icing that's made from icing sugar and i don't like cake that has to be eaten with a fork. After much pestering i replied that i'd like a cake with white icing and butterflies on (it was the only reasonably priced one i would have eaten) But Waitrose can't make it by my birthday. So now it looks like i'm going to have to make my own cake... a cake that i don't even want... it's not quite the same.

Birthday parties - i hate them. I'm being pressured from every direction as to what i will "do" for my birthday. I don't want to "do" anything. But i was reminded again, this isn't about me, it's about everyone else - something has to be "done". This particular issue has not yet been resolved, i'm hoping people will forget about it.

I sound ungrateful, i know. I don't mean to, but it's like walking off the edge of a cliff, when it has resulted in tears every time someone attempts it, surely a sensible person would say "you know what, lets not try this again."

Eclipse: The Never-Ending Argument

"You're impossibly fast and strong, your skin is pale white and ice cold... I know what you are." 


"Say it. Say it out loud." 


"...Polar Bear."


If i had Facebook, i would have "liked" that. But i don't, so i put it here for you to giggle at. That is, if you, like every teenage girl in the world, have read the Twilight books. 


I saw Eclipse yesterday. I found it... long. But that's all i expected, just like the other 2 films, and all 4 books. 


As we left the cinema, and before getting called "little whores" by a fat 10 year old (i *love* living in Bromley) my friends and i had a disagreement. I think EVERYONE my age must have had this disagreement and although i could happily murder everyone i saw wearing a bag/t-shirt/badge with "team Jacob" or "team Edward" on, i think i'm going to tell you my opinion.


It's Edward. Always.


SO if we're talking about the character in the book, look at it this way, Edward is a vampire, he's described as the most beautiful man in the world (or something like that, i can't be bothered to look up the exact quote), his family is ridiculously rich and enjoy buying expensive things for Bella, he's read practically every book in the world and is a brilliant pianist, he can read people's minds. He tried to kill himself when he thought Bella was dead - that's devotion. Also, he is glittery!!


Then Jacob, he's a wolf. He's about 3 or 4 years younger than Bella and spends his spare time dissecting cars. He's self-obsessed and can't seem to understand why Bella isn't completely in love with him. He can't read people's minds but the rest of his "pack" can hear his thoughts. HE TURNS INTO A WOLF when he gets angry/a bit over-excited, that could get very very awkward. Don't forget that one of his wolf friends got angry, turned into a wolf then like, broke his girl-friend's in the face. ouchie. 


But if we're talking about Robert Pattinson or Taylor Lautner... it's still Robert Pattinson (although Peter Facinelli is much better looking than either than them)


Robert Pattinson looks like a batman cartoon, i haven't yet decided if this is a bad thing or not. Ignore the MASSIVE eyebrows and he's quite good looking, if a bit girly,he looks like an Abercrombie model which *should* be a bad thing but to be honest i don't think it is, however he knows it, which always makes someone at least 75% LESS attractive. 

But then Taylor Lautner, what can i say...? My friend's argument was "he's got an amazing body, the face... well, i could put up with that". Has he got an amazing body? I'd say no, it's actually quite scary, imagine if he hugged you - he'd squish you! And what is that? He's got some interesting 2nd shoulder thing going on there. Is that normal? Does that make you think "sexy" because it makes me think "maybe you should go to a doctor about that"

I'm not sure if it's because his body is so muscular but his head is tiny! it's ridiculous, it looks as if it's going to roll away at any point. But then his face! HIS FACE?! What happened there? He also has rather large eyebrows but i don't think you notice them as much as you do Robert Pattinson's because his teeth seem to steal most of the attention for themselves. They practically jump out at you dancing in from of your face yelling "LOOK, look at these enormous white teeth." Even though these two particular features are so striking, it's not like the nose goes unnoticed, it's just THERE, i can only make sense of it like this - his eyebrows and his teeth had a huge battle as to which would get the most face space and his nose got caught in the middle. Although i have to say, in the film, when he turns into the wolf, it is the cutest thing ever. Awww. 

I'll stop being horrible about the men now and say this instead:


Kristen Stewart, your teeth looked better before. Also, i hate you. 

Oh Look! It's ME!

I haven't written a blog in ages and ages. This is because blogger was pissing me off, every time i attempted to write something, i ended up wanting to smash things up and cry. BUT you may have noticed - new blog layout! I like it a lot more like this and i love the new header. I had tried to draw a header, i drew a bunch of teddies and a little rag doll, it was cute, but trying to transfer it from paper to computer was a bit too much for me and it made even worse by the fact i have NO programmes on my computer (i'll come to that later). Anyway, as i was trying to edit the layout, i stumbled across the brand new blogger posting thingy, which is quite brilliant, so i'll write more often now. Although, I can't help thinking that blogger was trying to hide it from me. Hmmm...

Does anyone have an opinion of the new layout? Please comment, i love getting comments on here, it's very exciting, i actually squeak out loud when i see the thing that says "1 new comment".

My computer died, it was horrible but Barry fixed it. Actually he said that he *enjoyed* fixing it "it's like a giant puzzle", weirdo. Anyway, it's fixed now, just. But the only things on it are iTunes, Spotify, Google chrome (which is fantastic, much better than firefox) and skype. I can't put anything else on, like Microsoft office, because the disk drive is also broken. AHH!

I now have 2 hard drives. This is confuzzling. Anyway, as i was going through files that i didn't know i had on the old one, i discovered hundreds of things that i'd forgotten about, yesterday evening i deleted : 4 hotmail accounts, 2 wordpress accounts, a piczo account, a myspace account, a formspring account, a youtube account, a facebook account that i didn't know i had and my bebo account. Why would one person ever need that many internet accounts?! All i have left now is my Blogger account, a virgin email account, skype, spotify and a twitter one, so don't even TRY to stalk me.

Anyway, i'm in a good mood, it's half term and i only have 2 exams left before i can give up and let my brain turn to mashed potatoes until September.

Here are some other things that are causing my good mood:

Sunny weather
Tomatoes
The ridiculous amount of flowers in vases around my house
Slightly shorter hair - looks prettier, needs less brushing
New running shoes
Sewing machines
Morrisons raisin loaf cake
This song - The Wombats – Let's Dance To Joy Division
Being slightly in love with somebody who would never even look at me
This video - http://www.youtube.com/user/amazingphil?blend=1&ob=4#p/u/0/dhQItMIzzYg
My new purse - it has blue flowers on.
This coffee cup -

Words With Friends app. If you have it - i'm StephanieEllen and i WILL beat you (possibly). If you don't have it - download it, it's free and it will take over your life.
Monsters of The Deep exhibition at the Natural History Museum - EXCITED!!
You.

Monday

Monday was my last day of being away.

It was sad leaving my Grandparents. I am worried that they're lonely when i'm not there being loud and untidy.

Barry decided that he wanted to go to Cardiff as it's sort of on our way back. I've never been there before. It's very... Welsh. Like, more Welsh than you'd expect. I know that it's in Wales an' all but still, i've been lead to believe that very few people actually speak Welsh, well, that's probably a lie because i head at least 6 people speaking it. I mean, how can you not speak Welsh when every road sign and a great deal of shops have words in both English and Welsh. I was only there for a day and i learnt these words:

Araf = Slow.

bwsiau = bus

croeso = welcome

rhybudd = warning

allan = exit

After drinking coffee, we began to think about what we were going to do. The first thing i did was get lost. I really really needed the toilet and thought that there MUST be one in a shopping centre. I didn't realise quite how big this shopping centre was, it's probably bigger than Blue Water except all on one floor. I was lost there for over half an hour, there's hundreds of long corridors lined with thousands of shops but NO toilets! I finally remembered that Marks and Spencer's usually had toilets, but i forgot that there's usually ques of old ladies, miles long outside the toilets. So, 45 minutes after setting out to look for a toilet, i finally got to one. It took me 10 minutes to navigate out of the shopping centre only to find that my parents had got bored and wandered off.

I found my mother doing a survey about terrorism. So i left her to it. Then i found my father having an argument with a sales assistant in HMV.

Finally, we went to see a castle or something. My Father rufused to pay to go inside, instead we agreed that we'd go on one of those siteseeing tours.

There weren't many people on the bus, it was incredibly windy. Here are my parents, looking confused by a map.


The best picture i took whilst on that bus. It's not even that good.


The Millenium Centre. EXCITING!!


We went inside, this was also exciting. Aeroplanes.


I AM IN TORCHWOOD. EEK!



The next thing we did was to go to the Dr Who exhibition at the Red Dragon centre. But I will write about that in another blog.

More going on a bus. We saw the Millennium Stadium. It's massive! But the weird thing is, it's really well hidden, driving around, you don't see it unless you're right outside it. Spooooky!!

I think that going on an open top bus down a motorway might be one of the scariest experiences of my life. It messed up my hair.

Then Barry suggested that we go to Barry. It was boring and my shoe broke. I had to hop around, looking like an idiot, Welsh people looked at me all funny. I looked right back at them.

Something i learnt - people in TGI friday don't mind if you go in there without any shoes on.

Something else i learnt - don't drink 5 glasses of lemonade before a 4 hour car journey.

So, that's the end of these holiday blogs. You're probably bored of them now, i definitely am. I hope you enjoyed some of them though. Bye bye.

The Science of The Combover

A comb over or combover is a hairstyle worn by bald or balding men in which the hair on one side of the head is grown long and then combed over the bald area to minimize the display of baldness."

-----

"Peter's combover is back."

This sentence was said to me a while ago. It is, of course, referring to my Uncle Peter. A few months ago he got rid of his combover. We had a party. He no longer looked like a paedophile.

"oh dear"

However, i am beginning to wonder HOW it "came back"?!

I don't know a lot about old men's hair, in fact, i try to avoid thinking about it at all costs, but surely you don't just wake up one morning, look in the mirror and think "goodness me, i have a combover".

This has got me think about the transitional stage from no combover to combover...

It must take a fair few months to grow hair long enough to go right over the head and cover the bald bit. How often do you see a man with a bald patch on top, very short hair one side of their head and long hair on the other side?

Or do you grow it both sides with a bald patch in the middle so you look like you have hairy spaniel ears for a while?

But then, once you've got this particularly ridiculous hairstyle, what do you do with it every morning? You brush it all down one side of your face, then... sort of... FLOP...? Do you have to straighten it first, with GHDs?

What is the problem with just being bald? Are you worried about your head getting cold, is that it? If so, why not wear a hat? You are essentially, creating your own hat out of the hair still attached to your head. That's like making a pair of trousers out of your own leg hair or shoes made from your toenails... (yes, i am also feeling a bit sick thinking about that. sorry.)

And then, what about standing in a strong wind?

How many times have you been watching the news when a presenter is standing in front of that big sign at Scotland Yard or something, telling you about a terrible murder case or something equally as serious whilst their hair is doing it's only little dance? IT'S DISTRACTING.

What about running for a bus? First thing in the morning.... you're going to have to spend the rest of the day looking like this:

That is, if you're a wizard.

And what about when it's sunny? Do you get a strange striped tan pattern on the top of your head? Do you put suncream on UNDER the hair???

The more i think about them, the most questions pop into my head!

But i must stop now, before i go a little mad.

SO, in conclusion:

The Combover - Just Don't.

This Terrified Look...

Parents evening. The most dreaded evening of the year?

The one time when the people who boss you about and constantly tell you you're not good enough at school meet those who boss you about and constantly tell you you're not good enough at home.

Teachers have 5 minutes to sum up a whole year of hard work and not so hard work and too short skirts and make-up and too much talking and not enough talking and staring into space and missing maths books and "disappointing" test scores and non existent pieces of homework and "target minimum grades"... how are you supposed to express all that in 5 minutes?! actually... i'll take that back, i've managed to express it all in 1 paragraph.

However, i have learnt that most teachers chose to ignore these subjects completely, instead they like to bring up "issues" that really, don't need to be brought up in front of my parents. They just do it because they assume you aren't going to shout at them and leave the room when you're sitting next to your parents. Cowardly Idiots.

Our first appointment was with my Latin teacher, Miss C who is so delightfully mental, i
think probably deserves a blogpost of her own. Well today she suggested i learn Romanian... ?!! i'm having enough trouble with Spanish and French and Latin as it is thank you... i don't know any Romanian people. i'm not even that sure where Romania is?...

oh. there it is.



anyway, where was i?

Oh yes.

There did seem to be a "theme" running through all of the teacher's opinions of me.

"this terrified look"...

"she sits there silently, looking completely terrified or staring into space."

At least 3 of my teachers said those EXACT words.

Maybe the staring into space bit is true, and the silent bit. But i don't look terrified, this is my normal facial expression. Do i look permanently petrified?

Also, i am pretty sure a teacher shouldn't describe a student as "a panicky little bundle of nerves". Even if it IS true...

Another thing i learnt today is that my English teacher actually spies on me. He mentioned a conversation he overheard me having with my friend at the train station yesterday morning. He really shouldn't have been listening should he?

I'm not going to complain though, he was one of the two teachers who said something vaguely nice about me. He said i was the best student in year 9 with A-level knowledge of English. And that was the first time my mother has been proud of me in about 3 years. And that was nice.

Was there a point to this blog? Have i made it yet? Who knows...

Grrrr.

Do you know what's annoying me right now?

This woman who is getting all cross about the prime minister spelling her son's name wrong.

I spell things wrongly all the time - i don't do it specifically to be offensive, i don't even think it is particularly offensive, is it?

Surely she should be grateful that he wrote her a letter anyway?

Maybe he's just not very good with his spellings?
Maybe the person who told him the person's name had really bad handwriting?
Maybe he was writing it with a Scottish accent?

Has anyone considered these things? NO.

I just think that it's annoying, she would probably have never had mentioned it if it weren't for the fact she knew that newspapers would pay her for it.

My Enlgish teacher last year spelt "Stephanie" four different ways on my school report! i didn't think she did it to be offensive to me.

My piano teacher has called me "Charlotte" for the last year, i don't find it rude, i barely even mention it anymore.

A boy called David The Knob called me "Sarah" for the whole week i was Scuba diving with him... then again, i did call him David The Knob...

*deep breath*. oh well, just so long as it's not still in the news tomorrow...

Disney and Other Nonsense.

I've been singing this constantly for the last 3 days:

The wonderful thing about tiggers
Is tiggers are wonderful things!
Their tops are made out of rubber
Their bottoms are made out of springs!
They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy
Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!
But the most wonderful thing about tiggers is
I'm the only one
Tiggers are cuddly fellas
Tiggers are awfully sweet
Ev'ryone el-us is jealous
That's why I repeat... and repeat

The wonderful thing about tiggers
Is tiggers are marvelous chaps!
They're loaded with vim and vigor
They love to leap in your laps!
They're jumpy, bumpy, clumpy, thumpy
Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!
But the most wonderful thing about tiggers is
I'm the only one
I-I-I'm , the only O-n-n-eee!

See. Annoying isn't it.

I was looking for it on youtube, i was going to put it in a blog so you could all have it stuck in your heads and you could share my pain...

however.

I came accross this...



i'm sure it's at least 7x better in Swedish.

Which made me think, which other disney songs would be better in different languages?

These are my favourites: