You tell me too many things. There's too many things in here. They keep falling out of my ears.

I'm not good at staying focused. I daydream. A lot. Yesterday i was so deep in my daydreaming at the bus stop that my bus stopped, opened the doors, waited, closed the doors and had begun to drive away before i realised that i should probably have got on it.

It seems that this year, most of my teachers particularly enjoy making us sit in alphabetical order. This means in most lessons i am sitting next to the same people. Lets call them G and S (to protect their identity, also because i'm not sure how to spell S's name). G and S are very very boring, and grumpy, and have already made it very clear that they would rather not have anything to do with me. The plus side of this alphabetical order thing is that i'm sitting next to the window in almost all of my lessons. Awesome. Well, not very awesome if i actually want to pass these GCSEs.

I should never be allowed to sit next to the window if what's going on outside is a thousand times more interesting than what's going on inside. Which is pretty much always.

Here are some examples from recently-

Men standing on the school roof = more interesting than Chemistry.

Builders arguing about sand = more interesting than graphics.

Year 7s learning to play hockey on the field = more interesting than Physics.

Caretakers moving wheelie bins around = more interesting than IT.

Squirrel looking puzzled = more interested than French.

Blades of grass = more interesting than maths.

In fact, scratching my own eyeballs until they bleed = more interesting than maths.

Oh, and who put me in an accelerated maths group? I don't belong there. They won't let me leave. I asked to join another class but I "haven't given it a go yet". Has the whole world gotten together behind my back and decided to make me feel as awful and stupid as possible?

If you never play a song all the way to the end on Spotify, it never plays any adverts.

And i may have discovered a good thing about being horribly clumsy and having bad balance.

Like a magpie, I live for glitter not you.

First day of school. I woke up feeling cold and unhappy, i had a pain in the back of my skull. I rolled out of bed, still wrapped in my duvet and did a few feeble sit-ups. This was pretty much as good as the day was going to get.

People keep asking me what's wrong. I actually wasn't aware that i looked so miserable but apparently i have a look on my face similar to that of a puppy who's been locked outside in the rain. Although that would make sense, for that is pretty much how i feel.

I didn't see many people this summer and i'm not sure what happened to them... but something definitely happened. When did they all get so pretty?

Everyone's tall with dyed hair and suntans. New hair cuts and make up and nicely painted nails and an explosion of confidence and arrogance. Even the strange people, the proper geeks and the complete freaks look nice, and they know it.

I stood there in registration, clinging onto my new Hello Kitty notebook for comfort, shuffling uncomfortably in my Clarks shoes with buckles (i didn't chose them - i had no say whatsoever in the matter) and wondering (hoping) if it would actually be possible to go all year without being noticed at all.

Lunchtime, conversation turned to holidays and boys and new hairstyles and how many times people got drunk during the holidays. But mostly just boys. I sat, reading my Harry Potter book, half listening to my iPod, half listening to their conversation and wondering when it was that they all left me behind.

I was staring at some new year 7s today and though it is quite funny looking at their terrified little faces, i do feel sorry for them because i remember exactly what it was like to be surrounded by new people, feeling like you have to prove yourself to them. If i'm honest, i feel exactly the same as they do, except that i know where most of the classrooms are and i'm not scared of the teachers. I told you how good the last few weeks of term were, remember? School was such a nice place to be because after spending 3 whole years with these people we all knew eachother, we were (mostly) all friends and everything fit into place.

But now it's all changed. And as i established last week, i hate change. It scares me.

Everyone seems so... grown up. At least, they think they seem grown up. I don't, i feel baffled, maybe my brain isn't used to taking so much stuff in in one day or maybe they really are very different people to what they were 6 weeks ago but i wish they'd just stop it, either that, or i wish i could feel grown-up and confident too. Because at the moment i'm simply feeling very left out.

Thursday

Thursdays are unspectacular days. People like Wednesdays because it's the middle of the week, which is always exciting. People like Fridays because it's nearly the weekend. Thursdays are the days that get in the way. A bit boring and a bit pointless. Just like me. That's why they're my favourite day. I've always liked Thursdays, for as long as i can remember, and they're especially good if it rains.

It didn't rain last Thursday, it was sunny. The first properly warm day of the year. I didn't wear a coat and i didn't once lose the feeling in my arms. However, we didn't do anything interesting. So, instead of my normal *fascinating* accounts of my days out, here is a list of things that happened on Thursday:

1) I woke up too late. My Grandparents thought i'd died in my sleep.

2) We went to Sainsburys. It's difficult to go shopping in Bridgwater without bumping into someone who claims to be related to me/be a close friend of someone who is related to me. I met a man called Frank who goes to the same ear clinic as my Grandad.

3) I had hot chocolate in The Old Vicarage. It's a very very nice cafe. You'd like it:

Sometimes, they have a Cat Morning - they get some people from a local cat shelter to bring cats there, so you can sit with a nice cat on your lap whilst you drink coffee and eat your chocolate and Guinness cake.

4) We went to this cheese shop and bought this curiously named cheese -

(i have just learnt that "tasty" is somersetish for "strong")

5) We had lunch. I had to explain to my Grandparents that "Sea Salt and Balsamic Vinegar" flavoured crisps are the same as plain salt and vinegar and "Mature Cheddar Cheese and Red Onion" flavour are just cheese and onion. I don't think they believed me.

6) I went to the hairdressers with my Grandmother and read a picture book called something like "Spikey The Hedgehog". I found it quite immature.

7) I found a punctuation mistake on page 275 of The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets' Nest. It upset me.

8) I learnt that eating two raw cloves of garlic every day for 12 weeks apparently prevents you from catching a cold. I might have to try it.

9) Also, i learnt that (according to my Grandmother) French men have no problem WHATSOEVER with weeing in the middle of a street, in front of anyone who cares to watch. Well... we learn something new every day.

Easter Sunday.

This is a blog. But not really. What it really is, is some exciting (and not so exciting) things that i did, some stuff that i noticed and some pictures. The next few blogs will probably also be like this, i went to my Grandparents and had a smashing time and i'm sure (well, i'm hoping) that you missed me, so, here's what i got up to.

Sunday.

I'm sure every time i go there, my Grandparents get weirder. and sweary-er.

After a morning of nothing-muchness, we decided to go to the sea side in the afternoon. So, we went to Watchet.

The first thing we saw was a steam train, it was green, and very pretty. It was like Emily from Thomas The Tank Engine... you know, the Scottish one?... ok, only me then.

I waved at the driver and he waved back. That was brilliant!

We walked along by the harbour and saw lots of boats. You probably don't know this, but i like boats, they're definitely the most exciting mode of transport and a lot of them are really pretty.

This statue has the scariest face i have ever seen.

More boats, these aren't real though, they were for sale in the post office.

The Watchet museum, inside i found this picture which both terrifies me and fascinates me.

Apparently, The Rhyme Of The Ancient Mariner was inspired by the town. And they really like to make sure you know. This statue was one of MANY of the ancient mariner.

Random Fact - I am not a fan of The Rhyme Of The Ancient Mariner. I once had to memorise this bit and it's still taking up a significant chunk of my brain space -

All in a hot and copper sky,

The bloody sun, at noon,
Right up above the mast did stand,
No bigger than the moon.

Day after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.

The very deep did rot: O Christ!
That ever this should be!
Yea, slimy things did crawl with legs
Upon the slimy sea.

About, about, in reel and rout
The death-fires danced at night;
The water, like a witch's oils,
Burnt green, and blue, and white.

And some in dreams assured were
Of the Spirit that plagued us so;
Nine fathom deep he had followed us
From the land of mist and snow.

And every tongue, through utter drought,
Was withered at the root;
We could not speak, no more than if
We had been choked with soot.

Ah! well-a-day! what evil looks
Had I from old and young!
Instead of the cross, the Albatross
About my neck was hung."

Next, it was time for ice cream.

I had cappuccino flavour. It was yummy!

Seconds after i took this picture, the ice cream flew off the cone. but somehow, i caught it. It was very impressive, if i do say so myself.

Finally, i saw this

This is my grandparents' biggest local radio station, Quay West fm.

It was about 3 when we left Watchet, it should have been pretty easy to get home, BUT, my Grandad took the wrong turning and we got rather lost. 2 hours and 95 miles of driving down scary lanes, that's how lost we were.

After a while, we were very high up some sort of hill/mountain thing so we decided to use Wales as a reference point. Wales was to my left. Everything was fine, we continued driving down a straight road when suddenly, there was a tunnel of trees, five minutes later, we'd past the trees, but... "Oh GOD! Where's Wales??" Everything to my left is grass and this freaky red soil, i look to my left and to my relief, see Wales. But then it hits me. THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE!! I know that we didn't turn around, the road was straight, how can a whole country move? I'm no good at Physics but i know the world doesn't work like that! It's still confusing me now!

After we'd been lost for just over an hour, i suggested that we ask the next person we saw for directions. Well, there are some... "interesting" people in Somerset at the best of times but there, surrounded by empty fields, miles and miles from any habitation, there was no one. No one, except for one woman, we spotted her about 10 minutes after i suggested that. She was wearing a red tracksuit and a green anorak and had grey hair. She was standing by the side of the road and staring out, past the trees, to the sea. She didn't look at us when we stopped, in fact, i'm not sure if she looked at us at all, she might have just kept on staring.

"Hello" said my Grandad.

"Hello" said the woman.

"Could you possibly give us directions to Taunton, please?"

"No."

"Oh... well then, how long is this road?"

"This road, this road is very long."

"Yes, but where does it end?"

"This road never ends."

"Oh. Ok. Thanks for you help" *drives away very very quickly*.

The road did end. much much later. I'm beginning to wonder if she wasn't also a normal person once. Maybe, just like us, she took a wrong turning and got lost, but unlike us, gave up and has been standing there, by the side of that road, ever since.

Now THAT'S something to think about...

Little Hedgehog

today i am sad. and here is why: today is exactly 1 year since i lost little hedgehog.

little hedgehog (also known as hodgepig) was my most favourite teddy ever. he was a tiny little furry hedgehog which was just the right size to fit in my coat pocket. i took him absolutely everywhere with me until i started secondary school - then i thought i might look a bit odd carrying him about but he still lived in my school bag. at night, he slept next to me on my pillow. i'd lost him sever hundred times, i was always leaving him in the school playground or in the garden, under the tranpoline. i''ve left him in a countless number of the shops in bromley. he's been left at my grandparent's house and had to be posted home and when i broke my foot in year 6, i left him in the hospital. but i always got him back. last year, on this day, i was in egypt, scuba diving in the red sea with my dad - something that i enjoy a lot. so every morning we (me, my dad, little hedgehog) would leave at half past six, to get to the dive centre by 7. we would then get the dive centre mini bus to the docks and be on our dive boat by 9 o'clock. we would spend the day, diving, snorkling, eating rice ('coz that's the only think little hedgehog and i would eat) and reading books in the sun. it was our 4th day of diving (my dad and i were trying to get to 15 by the end of that holiday - we didn't manage it) and i was having an excellent day, we dived at Ras Katy in the morning and Near Garden in the afternoon, we'd seen an octopus - which makes me happy and 10 barracudas - which made my dad happy (can you tell i've just been typing up my log book so far) anyhoo, we got off the boat and my dad said he'd buy me and Tia (my little 4 year old friend) an ice-cream - which was also very exciting. it wasn't until we were nearly back at the hotel that i realised that i didn't have little hedgehog. i was completely distraught, i looked for him for hours. i even walked down to the docks on my own that night to try and find him but he was well and truely gone. even though it's 1 year later, and it's a bit stupid, i still miss him and i still feel guilty that i didn't find him. i like to think that sarah (my dive instructor at the time) will have found him and picked him up and i hope he will be living on the dive boat, enjoying the sun and making new friends, or that Tia will have found him and taken him home to be with her many other toys.