12 months have gone already... where?!

Apparently 2010 didn't live up to people's expectations. I'm sorry, but what WERE people expecting? I thought, overall, the good days of 2010 outweighed the bad days by far and I had a very nice time.

Here are some of the things that made 2010 special:

Matilda.

This lot.

Paris.

iPhone. Nom.

V Festival (The most gorgeous photo of me ever taken - mostly just wearing other people's clothes)

A terrible play with the most amazing lovely funny kind talented cast.

So last year I made a list of everything I wanted to achieve in 2010, here's the updated version:

1) Learn to play the piano well. So that when i say "i can play the piano" i won't feel like a complete liar.

Well, i certainly improved. My piano teacher told me I could be "So talented, if only i put a bit more time into it". That made me both sad and happy.

2) Learn to like vegetables. and potatoes. so that i can go round to people's house for dinner without them wanting to murder me.

I like chips now, and jacket potatoes and I will eat aubergine without complaining.

3) Make my handwriting readable.

4) Cry less.

I think i managed this, i should really have bottled all my 2009 tears and all my 2010 tears and done a comparison. 

5) Make at least 5 new friends.

I made lots of new friends, at least 20 of them. And they're all brilliant.

6) Meet someone famous.

Erm... Does Boris Johnson count? 

7) Follow 116 new people on twitter.


So close, but forgot about this until New Years Eve - maybe I'll do this by the end of 2011?

8) Meet some more of the people i talk to on twitter.

I met the lovely Katcal and Regfrog and we went elephant hunting in London then spent hours in Victoria Station chatting. It was a most enjoyable day, even though it was so hot i thought my face was melting.
9) Spend less time on/thinking about twitter.

Look at that! Amazing!

10) Brush my hair more often... like, at least once a week.

I think I've managed this, my hair's shorter now anyway and I've stopped leaving the house looking a mess.

11) Smile at at least one random person each day.

People don't often feel like smiling back on a bus at 7 o'clock in the morning :(

12) Raise some money for charity.

Hell yeah! I've done a lot of volunteering this year, we raised £130 for Harris Hospice, I helped at a summer fair which made about £4000 for Help for Heroes and I helped Barry raise £250 for cancer research.

13) Get a new hamster.

14) Spend less money on music.

Discovered the joys of borrowing CDs rather than buying my own. 

15) Buy a new phone.

16) Read all of the books i got for Christmas.

17) Do my Latin homework. always... (although this one might have to start next week 'coz i *forgot* to take my Latin books home for Christmas)

I have my Latin GCSE in 5 months, I'm just a little bit terrified. 
18) Stop letting certain people be horrible to me.

2010 - The year I learnt to stand up for myself.

19) Stop being so concerned about my ugly face.

My brilliant cousin Em pointed out to me that nobody is looking at my face, they're all too concerned about themselves.

20) Write at least 1 blog a week.

Hmm... I wrote at least one blog a week but I didn't publish 4 of them. FAIL.

SO, 2011. What do I want to do this year? I think 2010 but with more glitter (and good exam results) would be a good place to aim for.

HAPPY NEW YEAR lovely blog readers. x

Panic.

Panic Attack: n. The sudden onset of intense anxiety, characterized by feelings of intense fear and apprehension and accompanied by palpitations, shortness of breath, sweating, and trembling. Also called anxiety attack.

I've panicked about things before, trembling a little, feeling short of breath and a bit dizzy, it's inconvenient and a little scary. But not terrifying. 

I can tell you what is terrifying...

Let me set the scene for you:

It's about 10.30 on Friday night in Paris, it's raining outside but you don't know that, you're curled up on the floor of Chateau D'Eau metro station hyperventilating, sobbing and shaking. Your eyes are closed because everything is spinning. Crowded round you are 20 other girls and several drunk and/or homeless French people and they're STARING. Kneeling next to you is a concerned yet very awkward language teacher. You wish they'd stop staring. You feel like you are going to die. Somebody puts their hand on your shoulder and you retch, in that moment you thank every God that you don't really believe in that you'd had the sense not to eat anything that day - there are very few things that could make this situation worse, one of them being throwing up. 

Basically, it wasn't nice. It was traumatic and embarrassing and I'm finding it hard to write about it.

I've always been a little bit claustrophobic, but only a little bit. Underground trains in London don't bother me very much at all and I have honestly never been so frightened by anything before.

It started when we got on the metro after dinner, it was quite crowded and i was squished in the middle of a lot of people. It was uncomfortable and I began to shake, at every stop more and more people got on, there wasn't room for them but they kept getting on. It was awfully unpleasant, I was shaking quite a lot by this point. But then something else happened, two angry French people started shouting at each other quite close to where I was standing, the shouting turned to pushing the punching, they were having a full on fight and there really wasn't room for it. I was so squashed, I thought i was suffocating, everything was blurry, I could only hear people screaming and shouting and swearing in French. My legs gave way but we were so tightly packed into the stupid train that I didn't fall, I just stayed wedged between two people I didn't know. We were so close to our stop but someone had pressed the emergency button and we weren't going anywhere. I actually can't remember between then and when we reached the station and people began to move, someone (i later found out it was one of my friends) noticed me, grabbed me by my coat and dragged me out of the door where I fell onto the platform. 

I don't know how long I sat there for, It could have been a very long time, It could have been just 5 minutes and I don't remember anything else until a lot later that evening.

It might not sound that bad to you but it was, it was one of the worst experiences of my life. We had to go on the metro what felt like a thousand other times over the weekend and it didn't get much better. Although I could mostly get over myself once we got out of the station and onto the street, I think I cried more times over the weekend that I ever have done before. One of the teachers told me I was really brave, I didn't feel brave, I felt stupid and irritated at myself for not being about to do something simple that everyone else could do so easily. I was so scared of throwing up that I didn't eat between Friday morning and Monday evening - I'm not sure if that made the situation better or worse, all I know is that I'll be very happy if I never go on the metro ever ever again. 

It was one of those times where everything that could possibly go wrong did go wrong for our relatively small group of 30 students and 3 teachers, we made this list:

• missing trains
• people forgetting passports
• people getting left behind at St Pancras
• delaying Eurostar
• lost luggage
• not enough hotel rooms booked
• breaking windows
• getting surrounded by scary men in an alleyway before the French teacher came and chased them away
• people getting lost on their own in Paris
• allergic reactions
• two people throwing up EVERYWHERE
• asthma attacks
• panic attacks *ahem* 
• stolen money/phones
• one of the teachers stepping in unnatural amounts of dog poo
• lost metro tickets and passports

I think we were cursed. But I'm not saying I didn't enjoy the trip, because I really did, I made new friends and learnt so many new things, had opportunities to do things I'd never get to do or even think about doing otherwise. The teachers were supportive and caring and everyone was so lovely to everyone else, we all became so close and without the bad stuff it wouldn't have been nearly as funny and exciting and memorable. I don't regret going one bit, I loved all of it... well, most of it. 

"Pictures Of Last Night Ended Up Online... I'm Screwed"

Birthday = done.

I'm 15 now. That feels quite old. I feel like i should be hanging round in shopping centres with my hood up, spitting at people. I won't... but i could.

I must say, despite everything, this was a very very nice birthday. The nicest for a long time.

My friends were very sweet, buying me starbucks hot chocolate and giving it to me on the bus, making me really pretty birthday cards and giving me a strange yet completely perfect selection of presents. Including: a Jedward poster (which i'm not allowed to put up), DVDs of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and The Lovely Bones, CDs, a book, a LOT of chocolate and cute stationary. And bubbles.

Oh yes... and i got an iPhone. EEK!

I love it. I can never ever get signal... but i still love it.

I had a party on Friday, we ate pizza and played on Wii Just Dance and generally had a good time. I decided this would be the perfect opportunity to play with the camera on my iPhone. I made this, enjoy:





Um... that's it.

I Love Mad People

I need to tell you about the amazing man i met today.

Right, imagine the scene, i'm in Glastonbury. In a shop. I'm not sure what it was called but it sold jewellery and windchimes and little statues and scented candles and other stuff. There was no one else in the shop except for the man behind the counter, i don't know his name, he had a beard. It smelt strongly of something, i don't know what, but it was making me feel a bit sleepy.

Man - "Good Evening" (it was about two o'clock in the afternoon)

Me - "Oh, hello"

Man - *signals for me to come a bit closer, leans towards me as if he was going to tell me a secret* "Are you a fairy?"

Me - "erm... yes." (well, what else could i have said?)

"Fantastic! There aren't many of us left now days, i just knew, i just knew, i could tell as soon of you walked into the shop."

"mmm, yes. So... you're a fairy too?"

"Of course! of course... are you a fairy princess?"

"erm... yes" (i was starting to feel VERY awkward by now)

"Amazing! Of course you are! i just knew... i could just tell! you have that look about you, my wife was also a princess... she's dead now though." *grabs my hand, kisses it* "an honour to meet you!"

*nervous laughter* "yes, you too"

"Are you from Scotland?"

"No, London."

"Ah yes, yes, i always get those accents mixed up"

"And you're from Glastonbury?"

"Yes... i've always been here, it's the best place for the likes of us. I should like to go to London one day but i think it may be a little too far to walk"

I started to say something about driving or getting a train but i stopped myself. Then we stood there for a few second, staring at eachother.

"I think i have to go now"

"Of course, of course, it was lovely meeting you. Would you like a bracelet?"

"I don't really have enough money"

"No! Take it, take it for free! There's no charge for my fellow fairies"

"Oh thank you"

"Goodbye! Send my greetings to the fairies of Scotland"

"Bye"

He was awesome.

A Little Bit Christmassy,,,

My old school was a horrible horrible place full of rich chavs with massive houses and expensive clothes and ponies.

(You might have guessed - i didn't like it)

However, my favourite person in the world went to that school (and still does), but she might be the 1 exception.

Every year they have a Christmas Market full of over-priced mince pies, expensive jewellery stalls and the occasional second-hand book.

And every year i go. I like laughing at the people i spent 7 years of my childhood with getting fatter and oranger and stupider. (again, Bethan isn't included in this).

Yesterday I went with Bethan.

(i apologise for yet another blog full of pictures)

We were drawn in by sparkly things. Look at how sparkly they are!!

Next we decided to decorate gingerbread Christmas trees.

This was Bethan's

And this was mine...

(i am NOT going to mention the fact that Bethan's looks like festive vomit)

Finally, we bought tickets for the bottle tombola. Look what i won!

I don't really know what it is... i might give it to someone for Christmas.

So, after an afternoon of Christmasness, we were feeling very christmassy indeed.
We then skipped (yes - skipped) into Bromley. It was quite a long way, and it was cold and Bethan was wearing silly shoes, so when we arrived it took us a while to recover and make sure that our lungs weren't going to explode.

We then looked at the pretty Christmas lights. Ahhh - pretty!

Then spent the evening watching Love Actually and eating ice cream.

Happy :-)

Ironbridge...

"Emma, you smell."

"Oh. What do i smell of?"

"Sort of... red bull and mud and old people."

"That's a good thing - right?"

"No, definitely a bad thing - you smell like you haven't showered for three days."

"Ah! That'll be because i haven't showered for three days".

I think this conversation i had with my friend Emma earlier today sums up our trip to Ironbridge quite well.

Here's some other words that i collected in my head and pictures that i collected in my camera whilst i was on a school trip over the last couple of days:

This is our room - it was very big. but also very cold, and rather messy. Notice Nancy (on the right) eating a lot of biscuits.

"I love these biscuits! can i have one? my mum never buys them for me because i eat them all at once, but i really like them and she never buys them so i have to eat them all at once..."

"It's a vicious circle really?"

"Yes. A vicious biscuit circle full of vicious biscuits."

We discovered that it isn't possible to escape. (Nancy is wearing my shower-hat, Emma is wearing my underwear)

This is THE IRON BRIDGE. It's interesting. But not interesting enough to spend 2 hours looking at it.

More biscuit eating.



We went to a victorian village. This is my favourite poster, others prefered this one...



But i'm not that immature...



Inside a furnace - it was muddier than you'd expect it to be.



This is me and Arbraham Darby - he invented cast iron. His eyes scared me.

WH Smiths dancing. With coffee.

Just before i leave you in peace - who can beat my Friday night? I played Scrabble with 4 of my friends, 4 of my teachers and a man called Mr Khaleed (who doesn't speak english) whilst Mr Hunt (an IT teacher) played the guitar. Mr Khaleed won.

A Day Sandwiched Between 2 Slices of Toast

Yesterday, i went to see my old people. I love my old people, they are lovely and mental, but in that wonderful old persony way.

I had a really nice day, it was lovely all round, that sort of excellent day where i'm still smiling about it today.

So, here is my recipe for an perfect day out:

Go on an adventure. Even if it's a little adventure, make sure it's something that you wouldn't normally do, something that makes you a bit nervous but also something that you want to tell people about afterwards.

Play a game. Even if it's a silly game, you should play it. I played two games yesterday, I Spy and Chicken.

Skip all the way down a hill, through a village, across a field and down to the sea, holding hands with your dad and your aunt.

Try something new, and discover that you like it. Yesterday i had chips with mint sauce for my lunch. it was yummy!

Teach someone something new. I taught Jordan how to swim underwater and how to dive. it was cold but fun.

Do something stupid, that makes everyone else laugh. It was sunny for about 10 minutes yesterday afternoon. We decided to go swimming in the sea. I went to the beach in my swimming costume and my shorts. We swam for nearly an hour and didn't notice when it started to rain. Then we got out, i had to run across a field and up a hill wearing just my shorts and bikini top. I screamed all the way. Everyone else found it very funny.

Eat homemade chocolate cake. That's quite self explanatory really.

Make a new friend. I made friends with the loveliest ginger cat you could ever met. He was called Henry and he was enormous, he came up to my knees! i thought he was a dog at first... i wanted to take him home with me.

Get lost. Days are more memorable if you get lost. We got lost on the way home, we somehow ended up in Essex!

Pretend to be really posh. My father started this; we walked past some tennis courts and he said, "Oh damn it! Nobody told us there were courts, we could have brought our rackets!" we then continued to have a "posh" conversation, we got some funny looks (especially as my father decided that you have to shout to be posh) but it was fun!

Get followed around by a very ugly looking boy, who will finally stumble up to you, and ask if you want to "go out with him". Say yes so as to not hurt his feelings, then run away and hide.

Make a stranger's day a little bit nicer. Do this however you like - i hugged someone. She was the saddest looking woman you have ever seen. she was sitting on a bench, crying and everything. I walked up to her and said "You look sad, would you like a hug?" she didn't say anything but i hugged her anyway. I hope that made her a little bit less sad.

Finish the day with a cup of tea, cheese on toast and a conversation with your favourite twitter people.

What A Lovely Strange Man!

When i was very very young, i was taught never to speak to strange men. I think most people were, in fact i remember when i was 10, we had "The Life Bus" come to our school.

It was basically a smelly little caravan with a very miserable woman in. We were made to sit in this caravan and were talked at about perverts and people who would try to give us drugs and men with beards. Well, she tried to talk at us about them but as i went to a school full of horrible little girls who seriously believed they were better than everyone else because their parents were rich, i think she only spoke for about 10 minutes, then ran away crying.

Anyway, i had never spoken to strange men and had been suspicious of everyone with a beard, until about February. Now, on Twitter, i speak to strange men on a daily basis, i would even say that i am friends with some strange men. And from twitter, i have learnt that it's actually a very small percentage of the world that want to kill you/give you drugs/whatever else.

Since then, i have spoken to lots of strange people in real-life too and am no longer terrified and suspicious of everyone i see walking down the street.

Even so, i couldn't help but be a little worried when a strange man, wearing a hooded top (and he had a beard) started talking to me, as i was standing in an alley-way, waiting for my aunt on Wednesday.

Especially as he had crept up behind me (which made me jump) and the first thing he said to me was:

"Your hair looks very pretty".

CREEEEEPY!

To be fair, it was a very warm afternoon (that's why i was standing in the alley-way - to get away from the sun), i had just run from Greenwich DLR station to my aunt's office and my hair had escaped from the plait i had attempted to put it in and was sticking up at every angle possible, so i was looking in a mirror, trying to flatten it down.

I was seriously considering running away, or screaming but he then handed me a leaflet and told me his name was Reg and we continued to have a lovely conversation.

My Aunt works for a record company, turns out this man was handing out leaflets for some man that was doing some recording there. So, as i waited for my aunt, i went and peered through the window of a recording studio and watched this man do some recording:

www.myspace.com/termzymusic

To be honest, the music is rather shit. But i thought I'd write about it anyway...

(if anyone wants to talk to truly lovely strange man - and i think he has a beard... - could i please recommend Damien/damohopo)