Thing 63

I've had an insane couple of days and now I have the plague. For this reason, I have spent the last half an hour sitting under my duvet, drinking lemsip and trying to find a thing to do that will be relatively easy and I can complete without leaving my room.

Thing number 63: List the things your parents say they'll tell you the answer to when you're older.

This is easy because my parents never ever said 'I'll tell you when your older', about anything. At least, not that I can remember...

Instead, if I ever asked an awkward question, they'd just lie. Therefore, I believe much of my childhood was based upon complete falsehoods told to me by, not just my parents, but other people in general.

Technically, I could leave this here. But that would be no good.

So instead, I thought I'd tell you 5 of the stupid things that I believed as a little'un:

1) If you don't brush your hair twice a day, it will get so tangled that it will all have to be shaved off.
- my parents

This was a particularly horrible concept, I had really, really long hair. It stopped at the top of my legs and, like any sane child, I hated having it brushed. Understandably, this lie was pretty effective but I can confirm it is complete rubbish. My hair is still pretty long, I lost my hairbrush about 4 months ago and haven't got round to looking for it/buying a new one. So I wash my hair and leave it to do what it wants. And it's fine.

2) If you eat more than 3 biscuits in one day then you'll be so sick you'll have to go to hospital.
- my parents

ha. HA.

3) I'm dyslexic
- my primary school.

I wasn't, I was just so short sighted that I couldn't read or write with any great skill because I couldn't actually see the page. For some strange reason dyslexia was the first conclusion... and tests for that are somewhat more time consuming than an eye test. I also wasn't too happy, I could read really well! But only if my nose was actually touching the book.

4) If you lose a library book, you have to write a letter of apology to the government.

I don't even know who told me this, I might have made it up in my own head... In fact, it concerned me so much that I've never lost a library book. So maybe it's actually true?

5) A woman gets pregnant when a man and a woman take all their clothes off and kiss, in a public toilet.
- my best friend when I was 9.

At the time, I knew there was something wrong with this explanation. The logical parts of my brain told me that it was simply too oddly specific and completely impractical to be true. But still, I was 9 and she was 11, what did I know?
(I only believed this for a few weeks before asking my parents if it was true - the exact answer I got: "no." And I was happy enough with that)

So, there you go. Another fascinating insight -_-
I'm off to blow my nose and eat strepsils.