Strange Men (again)

If you've followed me on Twitter for a while, or if you know me in real life, you'll probably know that it doesn't take a lot to scare me/make me very very paranoid.

Last Saturday i was standing outside Waitrose in Lymington, waiting for my parents to finish shopping. I was listening to my iPod, staring into space and trying not to notice how cold it was (i'd been an idiot and not worn a coat).

I watch a man come out of the shop, stare at me then disappear back into Waitrose. This was weird, but i forgot about it, he probably forgot something and was staring at me in a sort of "she must be mad, she's not wearing a coat, she'll probably get pneumonia and die" sort of way.

Then, about 10 minutes later, the man comes back out of the shop, hands me a bunch of pretty white flowers and says "these are because you're so beautiful" then quickly walks away.

Is there anything much more terrifying than that?? I was scared and embarrassed, apparently i went red. I never go red, not when i'm embarrassed, not when i've run 1500m, never! The last time my face was any colour other than it's normal pale yellowish, i had scarlet fever.

My parents thought it was hilarious, i didn't.

WHY?! i'm most definitely not beautiful (i'm actually having problems spelling beautiful - that's right... yes?) i'm not going to say i'm ugly because i'm scared about getting hit round the face with a dead fish. But i am.

The man was about 40... he was with his wife! (i assume she was his wife).

Why did he do that?? Is he some sort of mental person? Was is a cruel joke? Is he a spy?!

The flowers were pretty though.

Most of them have died now, but i've put the still alive ones in an improvised "vase".




I'm not complaining. I just want answers.

La familia de Hedgehog

My old people have been round this weekend. And some other members of my family who aren't that old.

My old people live in THE WEST. This is a slightly terrifying place where i am forced to spend at least 4 weeks a year.

Slightly off the subject, but here is a fact for you about THE WEST, i once phoned into BCR (bridgwater community radio) to answer a question for a competition and the host laughed at me because of my "posh London accent". Grrr.

Anyhoo, i thought i'd share with you some of the best things my family have said this weekend.

My Grandmother:

on Geoff Lloyd talking about sniffing celebrities: "ooh, what an odd man, is he a little backward?... should he be allowed on the radio?"

on an ancient clothes shop in West Wickham called Marianne: "i bought a cardigan in there in 1942. It smelt of pickle."

on driving past a house in West Wickham: "that was where old Pam used to live, her daughter Helen had triplets. 3 little boys, ugly little bastards they were. She wasn't the best person to have triplets, right strange thing, i once saw her in the bakers wearing blue tights and black shoes... still, she must have been quite fertile..."

on a man walking along on the pavement: "that man thinks he's a bicycle". she didn't elaborate.

My uncle Steve, pointing at the plum tart we had for pudding: "i'll have a slice of the aubergine quiche, oh yes i shall." pointing at the custard, "and i'll have some of that cottage cheese with it too, yes i shall. smashing!" (i think he was doing his impression of Prince Philip)

My Aunt, talking about the new person at work "i don't think she likes me much, i didn't mean to give her a dirty look, she just wasn't what i expected, i'd only seen her sitting down before - she was shorter when she was standing up and her face doesn't look anything like the back of her head."

I also learnt that my great uncle Peter (who i don't think has left THE WEST in the last 20 years" honestly believes that "those fucking Polish job-stealers" go to ASDA after 5:30 on a Thursday evening and get EVERYTHING for free. I don't know why he thinks this, but sometimes he sits in ASDA car park of a Thursday evening looking for "foreign looking people" and shouting at them.

Another thing i learnt was that my very very posh great aunt and uncle, have 6 freezers in their garage where they keep the meat they've bought, because they like to go to the farm and buy a whole cow, a whole sheep and 6 chickens every 2 months and freeze them. WEEIIRD.

My Grandad is the best for saying odd things, my favourite thing that he ever said was last Christmas, my grandparents had bought everyone pyjamas for Christmas, except for my aunt (their daughter-in-law) who they bought knickers for. She opened them, looked at them and said "oh thank you, their just the type that i wear." to which my grandad replied "yes, i know, that's why i chose them". My aunt still insists that was one of the most disturbing moments of her life.

Just before i end this, here's Stephanie fact for you:

There are about 4 members of my family who call me Eel Pie. I'll bake some Dalek biscuits for the first person who can work out why :-)

A Thousand Splendid Suns

A few of my favourite things in the world include making people laugh and recommending something to people then finding out that they loved it as much as i did... whether it's music or a film or a book or food, i don't care it's just a great feeling!

Whilst i was on holiday last year, diving and whatnot, i read a book. It's not the the sort of book i'd normally read, some of you have probably read it because it claims to be "The Richard & Judy Number One Bestseller". It's called A Thousand Splendid Suns and it is horrible.

Ok, it's not horrible, it's beautiful, but in some ways it's like an episode of Casualty, in that everything that could possible go wrong for the poor characters, does go wrong.

I'm not really selling it to you am i?

It's by Khaled Hosseini - he wrote The Kite Runner.

It's one of the few books where i've cried whilst reading it. I told my dad to read it, he finished reading it today and although he didn't cry (i don't think he's ever cried - even when his mother died, he didn't cry) i could tell that he was sad.

It's not exactly a true story, but it's not exactly made up either... does that make sense?

The characters are made up but the other things that happen, did actually happen/are still happening.

It's about two women, Mariam and Laila who live in Afghanistan, they do lots of things... mostly it's about war and the Taliban and friendship and love and all that sort of stuff.

As you'll know from my previous attempts at reviewing things - i'm not very good at it.

Basically, i think you should read it. you can borrow my copy of it if you want... as long as you don't spill beer all over it (which is what happened last time i lent somebody a book).

Oh, and listen to my playlist: Saturday

GCSEs and knickers and drugs and stuff

The things that have mainly been in my brain today -

GCSEs
Knickers
Drugs.

I shall explain.

I started the day in a rather worrying way. Woke up with an awful headache, took what i thought was paracetamol, only it wasn't - twas co-codamol. Which my mother was given when she fractured her back (just to give you an idea of how strong they are).

After realising my mistake, i didn't want to concern my parents, so i told twitter. Lovely twitter, who then went on telling me things like "eat something sugary!", "drink loads of water!" and my favourite - "i did that once, i was in hospital for weeks!". yeah... thanks for that.

I ignored all of you. I went to school and tried to forget about it. This didn't last for long as i soon found myself running to the toilets to be sick... My lovely friends standing behind me, looking slightly horrified and asking me if i am pregnant.

I soon got over all of that and despite my friends' best efforts, refused to go home (the lady in the office hates me - i avoid her at all costs).

I fell asleep in Geography. Nobody woke me.

At break i ate a bread roll and a banana yoghurt and then felt completely better. And my headache had gone!

Knickers. Today in school, i looked over at my friend Nancy, she looked uncomfortable.

"are you ok?" says i

"no, i'm far too hot."

"but it's cold in here?!"

"i'm wearing far too many clothes... (i have 4 pairs of knickers on)"

After nearly wetting myself laughing, i asked her why,

"because of the snow. THE SNOW"

"take your jumper off then... and maybe one or two pair of pants?"

"ok."

when i said that, i didn't expect her to do it then and there. in our English lesson.

A talent that all girls i know have is the ability to take items of clothing off in completely the wrong order. So i wasn't THAT surprised.

However, i was surprised when minutes later, Nancy looked at me again,

"Stephanie, what do i do with these pairs of knickers?"

"Erm... put them in your pocket?"

"don't have a pocket."

"pencil case."

"don't have a pencil case.

*silence*

can i put them in your pencil case?"

"NO!".

I don't know how she managed it, but next lesson i went to get my pen out and found 2 pairs of Nancy's knickers.

My pencil case has been contaminated.

And finally... GCSEs. This isn't amusing at all. not one little bit. It's terrifying.

I have to know what i want to study for GCSEs by next week and it seems that EVERYONE i speak to has their own idea of what i should do.

I'm so confused.

So you have to do English, English lit. IT, RS and Maths and double science.

I have to do Engineering (counts for 2 GCSEs) and Latin.

Then i have 3 to choose. Anything i like...

I'd decided on French, Art and Music.

But my mother has decided that i have to do history.

So it was French, Art and history.

But then my piano teacher decided i have to do music.

So it was French, history and music.

But then my father has told me he wants me to do art.

So it was Art, history and music.

But now EVERYONE is telling me that it's useful to learn a language.

I'm so confused. I'm doing 13 GCSEs as it is. Now my parents are trying to arrange for me to do the ones i want to do but can't do in school, out of school. My little head is going to explode. very soon.