Monday

Monday was my last day of being away.

It was sad leaving my Grandparents. I am worried that they're lonely when i'm not there being loud and untidy.

Barry decided that he wanted to go to Cardiff as it's sort of on our way back. I've never been there before. It's very... Welsh. Like, more Welsh than you'd expect. I know that it's in Wales an' all but still, i've been lead to believe that very few people actually speak Welsh, well, that's probably a lie because i head at least 6 people speaking it. I mean, how can you not speak Welsh when every road sign and a great deal of shops have words in both English and Welsh. I was only there for a day and i learnt these words:

Araf = Slow.

bwsiau = bus

croeso = welcome

rhybudd = warning

allan = exit

After drinking coffee, we began to think about what we were going to do. The first thing i did was get lost. I really really needed the toilet and thought that there MUST be one in a shopping centre. I didn't realise quite how big this shopping centre was, it's probably bigger than Blue Water except all on one floor. I was lost there for over half an hour, there's hundreds of long corridors lined with thousands of shops but NO toilets! I finally remembered that Marks and Spencer's usually had toilets, but i forgot that there's usually ques of old ladies, miles long outside the toilets. So, 45 minutes after setting out to look for a toilet, i finally got to one. It took me 10 minutes to navigate out of the shopping centre only to find that my parents had got bored and wandered off.

I found my mother doing a survey about terrorism. So i left her to it. Then i found my father having an argument with a sales assistant in HMV.

Finally, we went to see a castle or something. My Father rufused to pay to go inside, instead we agreed that we'd go on one of those siteseeing tours.

There weren't many people on the bus, it was incredibly windy. Here are my parents, looking confused by a map.


The best picture i took whilst on that bus. It's not even that good.


The Millenium Centre. EXCITING!!


We went inside, this was also exciting. Aeroplanes.


I AM IN TORCHWOOD. EEK!



The next thing we did was to go to the Dr Who exhibition at the Red Dragon centre. But I will write about that in another blog.

More going on a bus. We saw the Millennium Stadium. It's massive! But the weird thing is, it's really well hidden, driving around, you don't see it unless you're right outside it. Spooooky!!

I think that going on an open top bus down a motorway might be one of the scariest experiences of my life. It messed up my hair.

Then Barry suggested that we go to Barry. It was boring and my shoe broke. I had to hop around, looking like an idiot, Welsh people looked at me all funny. I looked right back at them.

Something i learnt - people in TGI friday don't mind if you go in there without any shoes on.

Something else i learnt - don't drink 5 glasses of lemonade before a 4 hour car journey.

So, that's the end of these holiday blogs. You're probably bored of them now, i definitely am. I hope you enjoyed some of them though. Bye bye.

Saturday and Sunday

"Who's that bloody idiot dancing in the paella?"

"Jamie Oliver?"

"Tosser."

I don't actually remember what time my family started drinking on Saturday, it was after my parents had arrived, and after my father and i had been sent into town to place everyone's bets for The Grand National. But i seem to remember them all getting rather drunk. Especially my mother.

I got thrown out of the betting shop so had to sit on a bench outside. That was sad, i thought i might possibly look 18. but i don't. also, it was cold.


My view from the bench -

As i already mentioned, my parents came down to "The West" on Saturday. So did other members of my family but they went hunting then stayed elsewhere. I disagree with hunting, i also disagree with buying a shot gun for my 11 year old cousin. But my family are just like that. According to my cousin "There was a rabbit in one of our traps, then Uncle Bob punched it to death." delightful.

Another thing i learnt that week was that my family don't understand vegetarians. I heard my Grandmother tell one of her sisters "Well, Stephanie's a vegetarian, you know." and her sister replied "Oh well, maybe she'll get over it." *sigh*. They also don't understand what it *means* to be vegetarian - "No, i don't want to eat something that's been swimming round in the juice of a dead animal... No, i know it's not ACTUALLY meat but i still don't want to eat it... NO! i don't want a bacon sandwich instead." For Sunday lunch, i ended up eating two mouthfuls of cauliflower cheese then sitting, looking miserable for the rest of the meal.

Sunday was my Grandmother's birthday. She was 73. YAY! Happy Birthday!

As a tribute to her, here are two of my absolute favourite things she says -

1) Somebody else "shall i put the kettle on?"

My grandmother "no, it wouldn't suit you"

2) on seeing a man whose trousers are slightly too short for him either - "ooh, someone's trousers have had and argument with his shoes" OR "well, his trousers have divorced his ankles and married his knees"

Um... that's it.

Unless you want to look at this picture of me?

Friday

Swans and Geese. I always get those mixed up. Which are the ones that can bite your whole arm of and snap your thigh bone by just looking you in the eye, or... something like that?

Whatever. These are swans, and none of them killed me. Some of them are quite pretty, others are all brown and ugly, apparently they're the baby ones. Also, i shouldn't call them ugly just because they're a different colour. Awesome bit of anti-racism from my Grandad there.

This is Exeter. Some other things i encountered in Exeter -

Cathedral. If i'm honest, i was a bit tired of Cathedrals by Friday so didn't go much closer that this.

Wonky buildings.

More streets that wanted to kill me.

The most amazing buses you have ever seen. I found myself wishing that the ones in London were like this. But then i remembered that i have enough trouble staying awake on the bus in the morning without actually being comfortable.

This is the exeter riddle sculpture. It's brilliant. There's 8 panels each with a riddle on, they're writing backwards and the opposite panel is a mirror. Every time i go there, i wish i have more time to work them all out.

Yum.

New school shoes. Woo!

Hmm... i think that's it.

Oh, except for this - I very very rarely disagree with something that somebody is wearing - it's their choice what clothes they wear - but WHY do "older" women think it's normal to wear really high waisted jeans with a T-shirt tucked in! WHY?? It makes them look all odd and lumpy.

Thursday

Thursdays are unspectacular days. People like Wednesdays because it's the middle of the week, which is always exciting. People like Fridays because it's nearly the weekend. Thursdays are the days that get in the way. A bit boring and a bit pointless. Just like me. That's why they're my favourite day. I've always liked Thursdays, for as long as i can remember, and they're especially good if it rains.

It didn't rain last Thursday, it was sunny. The first properly warm day of the year. I didn't wear a coat and i didn't once lose the feeling in my arms. However, we didn't do anything interesting. So, instead of my normal *fascinating* accounts of my days out, here is a list of things that happened on Thursday:

1) I woke up too late. My Grandparents thought i'd died in my sleep.

2) We went to Sainsburys. It's difficult to go shopping in Bridgwater without bumping into someone who claims to be related to me/be a close friend of someone who is related to me. I met a man called Frank who goes to the same ear clinic as my Grandad.

3) I had hot chocolate in The Old Vicarage. It's a very very nice cafe. You'd like it:

Sometimes, they have a Cat Morning - they get some people from a local cat shelter to bring cats there, so you can sit with a nice cat on your lap whilst you drink coffee and eat your chocolate and Guinness cake.

4) We went to this cheese shop and bought this curiously named cheese -

(i have just learnt that "tasty" is somersetish for "strong")

5) We had lunch. I had to explain to my Grandparents that "Sea Salt and Balsamic Vinegar" flavoured crisps are the same as plain salt and vinegar and "Mature Cheddar Cheese and Red Onion" flavour are just cheese and onion. I don't think they believed me.

6) I went to the hairdressers with my Grandmother and read a picture book called something like "Spikey The Hedgehog". I found it quite immature.

7) I found a punctuation mistake on page 275 of The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets' Nest. It upset me.

8) I learnt that eating two raw cloves of garlic every day for 12 weeks apparently prevents you from catching a cold. I might have to try it.

9) Also, i learnt that (according to my Grandmother) French men have no problem WHATSOEVER with weeing in the middle of a street, in front of anyone who cares to watch. Well... we learn something new every day.

Wednesday

We went to Wells, there's a market there on Wednesday.

After staying up most of Tuesday night, reading The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets' nest, i was tired and in a bad mood for most of the morning.

It started badly. The first thing i said as i got into the car was - "you do know the way, right?". My grandad laughed. "Of COURSE i know the way, i've been there hundreds of times before." Well, he didn't know the way. We got lost out on the levels. again. I saw a cat that had been shot.

But we finally got there, and Wells is a really nice place. It was the first time i've been there and it's not been raining.

Here it is, not raining -

As it had taken a ridiculously long time to get there, the first thing to do was have coffee. There we were, minding our own business, when an man decides to come and sit with us. This isn't normal. He then starts to talk to us about his knee surgery. Also, not normal. Then, he rolls his trouser leg up and starts showing us the scars from the operation. This is just weird. He ended his speech with. "Ok then. Goodbye.", got up and left the cafe. then a woman who worked there came over to us and said "don't mind him, he does that a lot." Oh.

Then we went to the market. It mostly sold food, and terrible slippers.

Next, we went to walk around the Cathedral and the gardens are various other places.

I was puzzled. There are normally ducks here. Where did they all go? Ducks don't just disappear. Do they?

Anyway, i bought a pencil. Not very interesting.

Then things got a bit strange. I was standing outside a shop, my grandmother had gone inside and my grandad was in the bank, when all of a sudden, i very posh woman grabbed my by the elbow and shoved me in the other direction. I was half asleep and for some reason, i was standing in front of a fat old man.

"smile" said the posh woman. and about a second later, a picture was taken. "You don't mind this being in the newspaper, do you? No? Good." I blinked, shocked. The fat man shook my hand and it was then that i noticed they were all wearing blue rosettes. Ugh. Great. Thankfully, my grandad came over to rescue me.

"Hell would have to freeze over before I, or any member of my family had any sort of association with the conservatives." Then he walked away, dragging me behind him.

Ow. I don't want my picture to be in any newspaper. Especially not with some Conservative MP.

Anyway, Wells was infuriating my Grandad too much so we went to Glastonbury for lunch.

This is Glastonbury.

It's full of odd people and shops.

This is where we had lunch, it's very nice. i had vegetable pie and chips and somehow managed to get vinegar in my eye.

There's a lot of homeless people in Glastonbury. Homeless hippies. One of them was carrying a bow and arrows. Surely that's unnecessary, and illegal?

There's also this bakery. They sell very very small Cornish pasties that for some completely incomprehensible reason, my grandparents love. I think they're probably what made me become vegetarian.

I also saw this book:

No they don't. This is a blatant lie.

Tuesday

Tuesday, it was decided that we'd go to Bath. There's a park&ride there.

It's quite a long journey to Bath from Bridgwater, about 46 miles. We saw a dead sheep.

Instead of going by motorway, we went the longer way, in order to prevent me from throwing up all over the place. this meant driving through Cheddar Gorge, although i have walked and driven down this road many many times, i am always shocked by how tall and beautiful it is.

Have a look -

If you've never been to Cheddar, then you should go. There are loads of goats. I should have taken a picture of some, really, but i was too busy trying to have a conversation with one. They weren't interested. I have come to the conclusion that goats are just like sheep, only a bit smarter and more pointy.

So, Bath. I've been a few times, it is always infested with tourists and tour guides, here is my very own guide to Bath.

This is the cathedral, it's very big and has lots of windows.

These are the baths. Well, just the building they're in. I have been inside before but it's really not that exciting. I also think that "Aquae Sulis" is a better name for a town than "Bath". The Romans knew everything.

Speaking of Romans. (don't worry, this isn't a real one)

Ok. So if you're not into religion and ancient civilisations, what is there to do in Bath?

Well, there are lots of buskers, normally they're quite good but i wasn't really impressed, i suppose everything's a let down after you've seen a busker in a 1700's style velvet suit and hat playing a dulcimer.

And...

Hot chocolate (i didn't drink this so much as cover my face in it)

My favourite shop.

Jewel encrusted pigs.

Sweeties!

The oldest house in bath. This is where a person called Sally Lunn invented the Bath bun. There are always long ques out the door for an "original" Bath bun. They're not all that. In fact, they're one of the most pointless foodstuffs ever invented. Silly old Sally Lunn.

The Apple Store. here is my Grandad looking utterly baffled.

And stupid roads that want to kill you. I am exaggerating when i say i twisted my ankles about 7000 times. But i did do it a lot.

Hmm... what else? There were some rude french people but i don't think they're a permanent feature.

That's about it really.

Monday

Monday was a bank holiday. It was also raining.

I spent the morning listening to Emma Britton on BBC Somerset. Yeah... that's an interesting
radio show.

I feel that i should also let you know that although people have been making a lot of jokes about it, the people of somerset are taking the tax on cider VERY seriously. It seems it's all anyone wants to talk about and for some reason, they think ringing their local radio station and shouting is going to do anything.

After eating toast and tomato ketchup for lunch (which, and i know it's disgusting, is becoming one of the main parts of my diet), i decided that the whole day cannot be spent listening to a woman who likes to be called "Extra-Large Emma" insulting Easter bonnets made by 8 year old girls. I suggested going to the cinema. I was SHOCKED to discover that in the 6 years my grandparents have been living in this town, they haven't once been to the cinema. Odd. Anyway, i looked and found out which film was on. Yes, just the one film, maybe this is normal? I am embarrassed to admit that i am horribly unaware of how the world works outside of London. Is this normal? Anyway, it was Nanny McPhee. My Grandad refused to go. He's like that.

Shall i tell you what i thought? No? Well i'm going to anyway.

Firstly, the cinema. My grandmother and i both expected the cinema to be dirty, falling apart and full of chavs, much like the rest of the town. But it really wasn't, i'd go as far as saying it's the nicest cinema i've ever been to! It was outstandingly clean, nothing like the cinema near me which probably hasn't been cleaned in the last 4 years. And the seats were really comfy and there was loads of space so i could sit like a normal person rather than a pretzel. AND it was really cheap! only £4.50 for both of us. So, you know... if you're ever in Bridgwater on a rainy bank holiday - Scotts Cinema. It's next to the Bingo place.

Now, the film. I liked it! But, i'm not fussy with films. Every film i watch, i find exciting and fascinating and wonderful. I really should learn to be more cynical. It was fun and light hearted and pretty. There were some very silly childish bits but i think that's what i liked about it - i found them all really funny. So did my Grandmother, she was laughing a lot, possibly the most out of anyone there. She even got a bit tearful at the end. The thing i liked best about it were the animals, they were cute and funny, i've decided that i want a piglet, they're like orangutans, they have adorable wispy bits of hair and lovely smiley faces. and the can climb trees... i think.

Easter Sunday.

This is a blog. But not really. What it really is, is some exciting (and not so exciting) things that i did, some stuff that i noticed and some pictures. The next few blogs will probably also be like this, i went to my Grandparents and had a smashing time and i'm sure (well, i'm hoping) that you missed me, so, here's what i got up to.

Sunday.

I'm sure every time i go there, my Grandparents get weirder. and sweary-er.

After a morning of nothing-muchness, we decided to go to the sea side in the afternoon. So, we went to Watchet.

The first thing we saw was a steam train, it was green, and very pretty. It was like Emily from Thomas The Tank Engine... you know, the Scottish one?... ok, only me then.

I waved at the driver and he waved back. That was brilliant!

We walked along by the harbour and saw lots of boats. You probably don't know this, but i like boats, they're definitely the most exciting mode of transport and a lot of them are really pretty.

This statue has the scariest face i have ever seen.

More boats, these aren't real though, they were for sale in the post office.

The Watchet museum, inside i found this picture which both terrifies me and fascinates me.

Apparently, The Rhyme Of The Ancient Mariner was inspired by the town. And they really like to make sure you know. This statue was one of MANY of the ancient mariner.

Random Fact - I am not a fan of The Rhyme Of The Ancient Mariner. I once had to memorise this bit and it's still taking up a significant chunk of my brain space -

All in a hot and copper sky,

The bloody sun, at noon,
Right up above the mast did stand,
No bigger than the moon.

Day after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.

The very deep did rot: O Christ!
That ever this should be!
Yea, slimy things did crawl with legs
Upon the slimy sea.

About, about, in reel and rout
The death-fires danced at night;
The water, like a witch's oils,
Burnt green, and blue, and white.

And some in dreams assured were
Of the Spirit that plagued us so;
Nine fathom deep he had followed us
From the land of mist and snow.

And every tongue, through utter drought,
Was withered at the root;
We could not speak, no more than if
We had been choked with soot.

Ah! well-a-day! what evil looks
Had I from old and young!
Instead of the cross, the Albatross
About my neck was hung."

Next, it was time for ice cream.

I had cappuccino flavour. It was yummy!

Seconds after i took this picture, the ice cream flew off the cone. but somehow, i caught it. It was very impressive, if i do say so myself.

Finally, i saw this

This is my grandparents' biggest local radio station, Quay West fm.

It was about 3 when we left Watchet, it should have been pretty easy to get home, BUT, my Grandad took the wrong turning and we got rather lost. 2 hours and 95 miles of driving down scary lanes, that's how lost we were.

After a while, we were very high up some sort of hill/mountain thing so we decided to use Wales as a reference point. Wales was to my left. Everything was fine, we continued driving down a straight road when suddenly, there was a tunnel of trees, five minutes later, we'd past the trees, but... "Oh GOD! Where's Wales??" Everything to my left is grass and this freaky red soil, i look to my left and to my relief, see Wales. But then it hits me. THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE!! I know that we didn't turn around, the road was straight, how can a whole country move? I'm no good at Physics but i know the world doesn't work like that! It's still confusing me now!

After we'd been lost for just over an hour, i suggested that we ask the next person we saw for directions. Well, there are some... "interesting" people in Somerset at the best of times but there, surrounded by empty fields, miles and miles from any habitation, there was no one. No one, except for one woman, we spotted her about 10 minutes after i suggested that. She was wearing a red tracksuit and a green anorak and had grey hair. She was standing by the side of the road and staring out, past the trees, to the sea. She didn't look at us when we stopped, in fact, i'm not sure if she looked at us at all, she might have just kept on staring.

"Hello" said my Grandad.

"Hello" said the woman.

"Could you possibly give us directions to Taunton, please?"

"No."

"Oh... well then, how long is this road?"

"This road, this road is very long."

"Yes, but where does it end?"

"This road never ends."

"Oh. Ok. Thanks for you help" *drives away very very quickly*.

The road did end. much much later. I'm beginning to wonder if she wasn't also a normal person once. Maybe, just like us, she took a wrong turning and got lost, but unlike us, gave up and has been standing there, by the side of that road, ever since.

Now THAT'S something to think about...