Why I Shoudn't Be Allowed To Write When I'm In This Sort Of Mood...

This is what my calendar said today:

Firstly, it said that today in 1898 The American composer George Gershwin was born.

So, Happy Birthday George! Hope you had a nice day, with presents and stuff. and maybe a birthday cake shaped like a musical note or something?

Hang on, if you were born in 1898, you're probably dead...

Oh yes, it would seem that you died in 1937.

Sorry about that.

What was i saying? oh yes, calendar.

Here, this is one of the best things it has said in a while:

"You may rely on people with whom children and dogs make friends."

I have heard a lot of people (although mostly Geoff Lloyd) say that children hate them because they can see their inner-evil.

Children seem to like me most of the time. Its because i smile at them and i smell like playdough + dust and i fall over more often than they do.

Dogs don't like me though... or is it that i don't like dogs? i'm not sure.

I'm no good at judging whether people are nice or evil, i just assume that they are nice until they prove themselves to be otherwise, and even then i'll give them a second chance, unless they do a murder or something... even then i might give them a second chance... maybe not. I think it would depend on who they murdered. Maybe that's why people think i'm naive?

Maybe i should carry a small child around with me at all times, then they can tell me who is good and who is evil. That would help avoid horrible situations. Then agian, this child couldn't be too small... old enough to be able to explain to me effectivly who is good and who is evil, but then again, the child couldn't be too big either, i wouldn't be able to take them everywhere with me... ok. i need a medium sized child. i wonder where you'd get one of those from?



Do you think i'm weird now because i said that i didn't like dogs? Its not that i don't actually like them, i'm just a bit scared of them... well, not scared of them really, just scared that they'll hate me and try to eat my face. There used to be this dog that lived down the road, it was called Pepper, it seemed alright, but then one day we were playing with it and it just jumped up and bit my next-door neighbour's nose. It was all broken and bleeding (the nose, not the dog).

This blog is rubbish.

This is usually the part where i read it and take out off of the stuff that i've typed without thinking about but if i did that with this blog, there wouldn't be any blog left... maybe just these words:

inner-evil, otherwise, dust, bleeding.

I thought about those words quite a lot. Not because i particulary like those words, just because i had to think for a little bit to make sure that those were the words that i wanted to use.

Also, i'm really rather tired.

I CAN'T DO AEROBICS

I challenge you to find anyone less co-ordinated and more accident prone than me...

I can play hockey... and tennis and rounders and rugby... i can do athletics and gymnastics and to a certain extent, dance.

So PLEASE don't make me do aerobics!

I just can't do it! my arms and my legs can't do different things at the same time. I don't work like that!

By the time i've worked out how to do one stupid movement, everyone else has moved onto the next one.

The music doesn't help, it's fast and horrible, usually made by people who know more about aerobics that they do music - it makes me want to cut my own ears off.

I ALWAYS end up going the wrong way, people start tutting and i get hit in the face.

Then i'll fall over, i'll land head first on a pile of gym mats and start giggling so much that somebody has to drag me out.

All this time, my PE teacher is dancing about at the front of the room wearing a fluorescent green t-shirt that makes your eyes hurt and flapping her arms about so much that she looks like she's about to take off.

After an hour of this torture (yes, 1 whole hour!). Everyone else will go off to get changed and said PE teacher says "Stephanie, you looked like you were struggling a bit this lesson"

STRUGGLING A BIT???!!!!!!

A Blogish Sort Of Hello.

Look! This is a blog.

I've neglected my blog recently, it's not that i haven't had lots of blog-ish things in my head i just haven't had time to write them and even when i have had time, i haven't wanted to write anything, as it would be purely miserableness and horrible for anyone to read.

So. I don't have much to say now. Nor do i have much time. I just wanted to say HELLO. Not my twitter sort of HELLO but a blog sort of HELLO.

I had a really nice weekend though. i would write about it... if i could be bothered. I can't. Instead, here are some pictures:

Emily and i... just sort of smiling (bear with me, they will get better)

Emily's 'E'. My 'S'. (because we are cool)

Possibly the strangest pose you will ever see...
(that's the sea in the background)

Not too sure what's happenig here...

The view from the beach hut (my uncle isn't a perminent feature)

Being told the truth in The Booth of Truth. It cost me 40p but now i know the truth... and i'm not allowed to tell you.

So that's all really...

A Day Sandwiched Between 2 Slices of Toast

Yesterday, i went to see my old people. I love my old people, they are lovely and mental, but in that wonderful old persony way.

I had a really nice day, it was lovely all round, that sort of excellent day where i'm still smiling about it today.

So, here is my recipe for an perfect day out:

Go on an adventure. Even if it's a little adventure, make sure it's something that you wouldn't normally do, something that makes you a bit nervous but also something that you want to tell people about afterwards.

Play a game. Even if it's a silly game, you should play it. I played two games yesterday, I Spy and Chicken.

Skip all the way down a hill, through a village, across a field and down to the sea, holding hands with your dad and your aunt.

Try something new, and discover that you like it. Yesterday i had chips with mint sauce for my lunch. it was yummy!

Teach someone something new. I taught Jordan how to swim underwater and how to dive. it was cold but fun.

Do something stupid, that makes everyone else laugh. It was sunny for about 10 minutes yesterday afternoon. We decided to go swimming in the sea. I went to the beach in my swimming costume and my shorts. We swam for nearly an hour and didn't notice when it started to rain. Then we got out, i had to run across a field and up a hill wearing just my shorts and bikini top. I screamed all the way. Everyone else found it very funny.

Eat homemade chocolate cake. That's quite self explanatory really.

Make a new friend. I made friends with the loveliest ginger cat you could ever met. He was called Henry and he was enormous, he came up to my knees! i thought he was a dog at first... i wanted to take him home with me.

Get lost. Days are more memorable if you get lost. We got lost on the way home, we somehow ended up in Essex!

Pretend to be really posh. My father started this; we walked past some tennis courts and he said, "Oh damn it! Nobody told us there were courts, we could have brought our rackets!" we then continued to have a "posh" conversation, we got some funny looks (especially as my father decided that you have to shout to be posh) but it was fun!

Get followed around by a very ugly looking boy, who will finally stumble up to you, and ask if you want to "go out with him". Say yes so as to not hurt his feelings, then run away and hide.

Make a stranger's day a little bit nicer. Do this however you like - i hugged someone. She was the saddest looking woman you have ever seen. she was sitting on a bench, crying and everything. I walked up to her and said "You look sad, would you like a hug?" she didn't say anything but i hugged her anyway. I hope that made her a little bit less sad.

Finish the day with a cup of tea, cheese on toast and a conversation with your favourite twitter people.

School and Other Horrors.

"Fear is like a darkroom where little doubts get developed"

(my calendar said that today, i thought it was appropriate)

I feel horrible. Sort of empty, like there's a big hole inside me. Have you read New Moon? When Edward leaves and Bella feels like there's "an empty hole in her chest"? Well that's how i feel. Sort of. Only, i haven't been left by the love of my life, i haven't been left by anyone. It's just a nasty feeling of nothingness. I think it might be fear, fear that the next five years will be as utterly shit as today was, or maybe it's dread... dreading telling my parents that I'm already in quite a bit of trouble at school even though it's only the first day back, or it might be sadness and anger about someone stealing my coloured pens. I really love those coloured pens.

So...

There are 2 new girls in my class. I only found this out a few days ago. However, it didn't take me long to formulate my evil plan:

I was going to be very very nice to them. I was going to talk to them and make sure they don't get lost and try really really hard to remember their names, then, next week, i was going to ask them if they would please please be my friends. I thought that was a good plan. I felt sure it would work.

But, this morning, i went to say hello, and to put my evil plan into action.

I said "Hello" and they both ignored me. So i said "Hello" again. And they still didn't reply. I spent our most of the art lesson this morning, staring at them, trying to work out why they'd taken against me straight away. Believe it or not, i am quite nice, so at lunch i decided to give them a second chance and go and talk to them again. I said "Hello". They still ignored me.

I was genuinely upset, i went to Emma, who is always nice to me (if a little patronising) and asked why they were talking to everyone else but me.

She found out for me.

And the answer makes a lot of sense.

Here it is...

I was ill the last week of last year.

That's when the rest of the class met the the new people.

The rest of the class had decided that it was down to them to tell the two new girls about how weird i am. In fact, some people (although they seem to have the sense not to admit to it) thought they should tell them not to talk to me because I'm a complete freak.

That's what made me cry.

And now I'm a bit scared, because i always knew that i didn't completely fit in, but now i know what these people actually think of me, and i don't want to have to spend the next five years with them.

I mentioned we had art this morning. We were making little clay people, a bit like Antony Gormley's Field, only ours had to reflect something to do with ourselves. Mine was good. I hardly ever think anything i do is good, but i promise you, this was the best bit of art i have ever done. My little person was sitting on the floor, hiding behind their hands, wearing a hoodie and jeans. Everyone said it was good. Everyone except the art teacher, who looked at it and said

"Oh, it's a bit depressing isn't it!" So, i said,

"Yes, it is." Then she replied,

"Couldn't you make it a bit happier." I said "No." Then i squished it all up. I didn't want to ruin it. But i did. Because i am very very stupid.

So that's the end of this blog. I'm going to sit over there and be a bit sad. Thanks for reading it. Sorry it wasn't happy.

(Oh, i have some advice for you - don't call your form tutor a "fucking homophobic idiot" on the first day of school.)