Thing 3

My brain has taken three almost unrelated events from the past few months and combined them, into something that makes sense... In this blog, I will attempt to explain them to you, through the medium of origami.(Bare with me)


The three events were this: I finished school. I went to prom. I saw The Glass Menagerie.


And thing number 3 is this: Make an origami crane.


I really like origami cranes, they're pretty and in large number, supposedly a bit magic


"A thousand paper cranes are traditionally given as a wedding gift by the father, who is wishing a thousand years of happiness and prosperity upon the couple. They can also be gifted to a new baby for long life and good luck. Hanging them in one's home is thought to be a powerfully lucky and benevolent charm."


With this knowledge, as a leaving gift to our from tutor who had been so dedicated and supportive (and brought us chocolate fairly regularly) for the last 2 years, we decided to make 1000 paper cranes for her. This was slightly relevant as, during form time, she had forced us to do origami as some sort of bonding, enriching, stress relieving activity. We never actually progressed to anything as complex as a crane, I think we managed a goldfish once.


I hated origami, I am too impatient. Anyway, I think I had underestimated how many 1000 cranes actually is, or maybe I overestimated the amount of people that would be willing to give up their time to make them.

But even though there were about 4 of us and 5 days, we made tiny little cranes until our fingers were actually bleeding and we got there! (I think... we ran out of time to re-count them)

Thus, paper cranes, in my mind, have become sort of a symbol of determination. Also, of things turning out quite well.


This is why I spent hours, on weekend, sitting on the floor with my friend Jess, making paper cranes and running through her lines for The Glass Menagerie. This is when I first realised how fantastic the play is, I'd seen bits of it before and was entirely aware of what it was about but hadn't realised that, given your full attention, Tennessee Williams' writing is utterly incredible. Last night I went to see it properly (with Jess in it) and I fell even more in love with the play.

I am a very fidgety sort of person, I can't sit still, I can't focus on one thing for more than about 45 minutes. I also watch a lot of plays (you wouldn't think those are two personality traits that go together...) for this reason I (and people sitting near me) are acutely aware of how much I am enjoying a play. I can go to see a very good performance with great acting/set/tech and whatever else a play needs to be great and though I like it, I will fidget: I'll want to know what the time is, accidentally kick other members of the audience, bite my nails, wonder how long until it's finished and i can have a wee, etc. If I see a really good play then i manage to ignore the time completely, I'll be absorbed enough to not be fussed about the outside world. Then if I see a really fantastic play, I'll sit so still that I'm barely breathing because I don't want to miss even one second of it and I'll will it to keep going on for longer. As soon as it's finished, I'll want to see it again, immediately.

And The Glass Menagerie was one of those last sorts of plays.

"People are not so dreadful when you know them. That's what you have to remember! And everybody has problems, not just you, but practically everybody has got some problems. You think of yourself as having the only problems, as being the only one who is disappointed. But just look around you and you will see lots of people as disappointed as you are."


I like that quote. I think it's what connects the last of the 3 events: prom.

I've always been a very self conscious person. This has been a massive problem for me, sometimes just being alone on a bus I get paranoid, thinking that people are looking at me and judging me, sometimes it's so bad that I have to turn around and go home. Silly, I know.

This is made so much worse in situations where I have to make an effort with my appearance. That sounds bad... It's not like I ordinarily aim to look like I've stolen my clothes from a homeless person and slept in a tree, but I don't usually wear make up, I wear the clothes I want to and leave my hair however it wants to be. This is how I am happy. As soon as emphasis is put into looking 'nice', I start to freak out and get stressed and unhappy and grumpy then people hate me. This should have happened with the prom... but it didn't. For the first time in my life, I used my brain, in a logical way: "Stephanie, why are you so special that people will be judging you more than anyone else? Even if people are thinking bad things about you, or saying them, what does it matter? Really, why are they any better than you? They have their insecurities too, in reality, they'll be so fussed thinking about what they look like, they won't even notice how you look"

So, although I wasn't entirely happy, it was better than it's ever been before. And although I didn't have a fantastic time, that was more to do with my complete lack of interest in eating cheesy wotsits and squash whist dancing to dubstep. I just enjoyed seeing my friends without feeling sick with worry about what people were thinking about me. And this, although it won't seem much to you, feels like an enormous achievement and some sort of milestone for me.

Here's a photo:

However, I did realise that without my glasses, I look like some sort of a woodland creature. Hmm... Oh well, I guess there are worse things to look like...