ASDA

I went to Asda. I don't know why; there's about 5 Tescos, 4 Sainsburys, 3 Waitrose and a Morrisons all closer to my house but for some reason i went to Asda.

I am never going again.

Who was it that first decided that supermarkets have to be MASSIVE? Do they really need to sell clothes and garden furniture and televisions and CDs and have pharmacies and opticians and at least one cafe? Really?

My nearest Asda is in Swanley. I looked at Wikipedia to find something interesting about Swanley to tell you, i found this - "Fat Heather from Eastenders now lives here, she can be seen frequently at the local Woolwhich Bank every Thursday morning between the hours of 9:00 and 12:00". Fascinating.

There's that blog, Overheard on The London Underground, i think there should probably be some sort of collection of "overheard in Asda". I'll start.

"Yeah... get them beans, they're french aren't they? right posh, and i think he went to france once."

Man "shall we get this candle."
His wife "no."
Man "but it smells nice"
His wife "it smells like horse vomit"

Woman in the cosmetics isle "I need some REALLY strong moisturiser, REALLY strong, i practically need a chisel to deal with the skin on my feet"
On hearing this I actually let out a fairly audible "eeeewwwwwww"

I was standing looking a fresh herbs when a small boy holding a gun shouted at me "BANG! you're dead"
Me "oh, ok."
Him "NO, i shot you, you're DEAD."
Me "Yes, i'm dead"
Him "no you're not! DIE DIE DIE"
Me "Ahhh. I'm dead."
Him "Dead people don't talk."
Me "Sorry"
*silence*
Him "Good." *walks away*

Fairly large old woman to me "you're standing in front of the sandwich bags"
Me "I know, i'm just deciding which ones to get"
Her "well move. I know exactly which ones i'm going to get. unlike you, i came prepared"
Me "ok." *moves*
Her *tutting* "look at your legs"
Me *looks*
Her "are your legs SWOLLEN?"
Me "no"
Her "mine are."
Me "uhhhh, ok." *walks away very quickly*

Woman, waving a dress at me "Be honest, would I look like an oompa-loompa in this?"

Strange Men (again)

If you've followed me on Twitter for a while, or if you know me in real life, you'll probably know that it doesn't take a lot to scare me/make me very very paranoid.

Last Saturday i was standing outside Waitrose in Lymington, waiting for my parents to finish shopping. I was listening to my iPod, staring into space and trying not to notice how cold it was (i'd been an idiot and not worn a coat).

I watch a man come out of the shop, stare at me then disappear back into Waitrose. This was weird, but i forgot about it, he probably forgot something and was staring at me in a sort of "she must be mad, she's not wearing a coat, she'll probably get pneumonia and die" sort of way.

Then, about 10 minutes later, the man comes back out of the shop, hands me a bunch of pretty white flowers and says "these are because you're so beautiful" then quickly walks away.

Is there anything much more terrifying than that?? I was scared and embarrassed, apparently i went red. I never go red, not when i'm embarrassed, not when i've run 1500m, never! The last time my face was any colour other than it's normal pale yellowish, i had scarlet fever.

My parents thought it was hilarious, i didn't.

WHY?! i'm most definitely not beautiful (i'm actually having problems spelling beautiful - that's right... yes?) i'm not going to say i'm ugly because i'm scared about getting hit round the face with a dead fish. But i am.

The man was about 40... he was with his wife! (i assume she was his wife).

Why did he do that?? Is he some sort of mental person? Was is a cruel joke? Is he a spy?!

The flowers were pretty though.

Most of them have died now, but i've put the still alive ones in an improvised "vase".




I'm not complaining. I just want answers.

A Rant

i haven't written a blog for ages. Well, it feels like ages! Today's blog is a rant. A VERY ANGRY RANT!! and it's directed at Tesco.

On Saturday, i went to Tesco - the one in Bromley and i bought something from their frozen vegetarian range called "bean pie". I thought

"Well, i like beans and i like pie."

So last night, i ate it.

I had once mouthful of the nice potato topping (even though i don't ussually like mashed potato, this was very yummy, sort of orange coloured). Then, as i went to eat a bit more, i saw something that made me feel sick and nearly made me throw my plate across the room.

The Devil's Food.

Evil in Vegetable Form.

Courgette.

Yuck Yuck Yuck Yuck Yuck!!!

I do not remember the packaging saying "courgette infested" anywhere! well, it didn't say it in big writing, and does anyone honestly read the small writing?

Then, because i was angry and sad that this nice looking food was now inedible, i counted up all of the beans and all of the pieces of courgette.

The ratio of beans to courgette was 1:5. THAT IS DISGUSTING!!

Why didn't they call it "courgette pie". then i wouldn't have wasted time and money buying and cooking it!

Why didn't they call it "Devil's Food Pie"

Or simply "Pie Of All EVIL"

As you can see, I'm still rather cross. In fact, i feel that a letter of complaint should be written. Meh, maybe later...