ASDA

I went to Asda. I don't know why; there's about 5 Tescos, 4 Sainsburys, 3 Waitrose and a Morrisons all closer to my house but for some reason i went to Asda.

I am never going again.

Who was it that first decided that supermarkets have to be MASSIVE? Do they really need to sell clothes and garden furniture and televisions and CDs and have pharmacies and opticians and at least one cafe? Really?

My nearest Asda is in Swanley. I looked at Wikipedia to find something interesting about Swanley to tell you, i found this - "Fat Heather from Eastenders now lives here, she can be seen frequently at the local Woolwhich Bank every Thursday morning between the hours of 9:00 and 12:00". Fascinating.

There's that blog, Overheard on The London Underground, i think there should probably be some sort of collection of "overheard in Asda". I'll start.

"Yeah... get them beans, they're french aren't they? right posh, and i think he went to france once."

Man "shall we get this candle."
His wife "no."
Man "but it smells nice"
His wife "it smells like horse vomit"

Woman in the cosmetics isle "I need some REALLY strong moisturiser, REALLY strong, i practically need a chisel to deal with the skin on my feet"
On hearing this I actually let out a fairly audible "eeeewwwwwww"

I was standing looking a fresh herbs when a small boy holding a gun shouted at me "BANG! you're dead"
Me "oh, ok."
Him "NO, i shot you, you're DEAD."
Me "Yes, i'm dead"
Him "no you're not! DIE DIE DIE"
Me "Ahhh. I'm dead."
Him "Dead people don't talk."
Me "Sorry"
*silence*
Him "Good." *walks away*

Fairly large old woman to me "you're standing in front of the sandwich bags"
Me "I know, i'm just deciding which ones to get"
Her "well move. I know exactly which ones i'm going to get. unlike you, i came prepared"
Me "ok." *moves*
Her *tutting* "look at your legs"
Me *looks*
Her "are your legs SWOLLEN?"
Me "no"
Her "mine are."
Me "uhhhh, ok." *walks away very quickly*

Woman, waving a dress at me "Be honest, would I look like an oompa-loompa in this?"

School. And Emergency Services.

Well, this week school has been DRAMATIC... maybe not dramatic enough to be made into a film, but definitely dramatic enough for a couple of episodes of Casualty.

So, the first interesting thing that happened was on Monday morning. I got into school to learn that a girl in my year has been expelled. Apparently she hit one of the PE teachers after being told to put her phone away then getting into a shouty, sweary argument. I am not all that surprised by this (she's not exactly my favourite person in the world), in fact, i will probably be quite pleased once she's gone, being around her makes me nervous.

After Monday comes Tuesday. Tuesday, after school there was an under 16s hockey match, i was supposed to be playing but i made up something about having to babysit and went shopping instead. Now i wish i hadn't. A girl in the year above me (again, not one of my favourite people) managed to hospitalise a girl from the other team. It involved a clip hit, straight into the other player's face. If you don't play hockey, a clip hit is like this -



It completely knocked out the girl, as well as knocking out 4 of her teeth and breaking her nose. She left in an ambulance... most other players managed to get covered in her blood. Actually, maybe it was best that i wasn't there.

Ok, so yesterday's dramaticness will take a bit of explaining. You see, at my school there's this stupid rule - you aren't allowed to carry your school bag around with you. And our uniform doesn't really have any pockets. This means that people have to leave their valuable stuff in their lockers or in their school bags, in their form room. That's all very well, until someone starts stealing things. It started about 3 months ago, students were having money stolen but recently it's not only been students - teachers too and not only money - vouchers, phones and iPods as well. I've had £15 stolen - all my lunch money over a few weeks. £140 has been stolen from my form room alone and around £700 plus other things from around the school.
Some clever year 11s worked out that it probably wouldn't have been a student - it would be too hard for them to keep all this stolen stuff a secret from everyone else, there wasn't a single class that didn't have anything stolen and it couldn't have been a teacher, they'd be easy to spot on the CCTV (which is only in the corridors). Therefore, it was probably one of the cleaners. They told their suspicions to one of the teachers but the teachers decided it wasn't possible - they were still convinced it was a student. SO, one afternoon this week, Tuesday i think, they left a purse with money in on one of the desks whilst the class went to assembly, all of them except for one, who hid in the cupboard with her camera phone. She filmed the cleaner taking the money from the purse AND going through other people's bag looking for money. Then, on Wednesday lunchtime the police came and the cleaner was arrested. It was very exciting, everyone went down to watch and the teachers didn't even bother to shoo them away. Again, i missed this, i was... guess what? playing hockey. But i did get back in time to see everyone leaving and hear EVERYONE'S version of the story, some people insisting she stole £2000! (i said £700 because that's what the teachers told us).

The next (and last) DRAMATIC thing that happened was thismorning, as i was walking into school. All of a sudden, about 10 weeping, screaming year 8s barged past me, towards school. They were followed by my friend Nancy who grabbed me then shouted in my face "OHMYGOD!! JADE JUST GOT HIT BY A CAR". Ach. I have seen two car accidents in my life, both were horrible. The first involved a car and a motorbike and gave me awful nightmares for months. The second caused me to faint, whilst i was on a bus. I'm really not good with that sort of thing, so although Nancy tried to drag me back to see what had happened, i went into school and sat, waiting to hear what had happened. I didn't hear anything, until a few hours ago when i got a text saying that she's ok. I am relieved. I don't even like her that much, but i was worried about her.

Oh, and this isn't at all DRAMATIC but i feel the need to tell you - remember that Latin test i had a few weeks ago? no? i complained about it enough! Well i got it back today - i got 90% which i am VERY VERY happy with!

Musics

Most mornings i am awake and often out of the house before my dad's alarm goes off, however, this week it's half term so i was still asleep when it went off, i was just a *little* alarmed to discover that it was this:



After a few more hours sleep , i started thinking about one of my favourite scenes from a film, which would be this:



i think that's all i have to say. oh, except that i really like this song now:

http://open.spotify.com/track/7nmArpOotJ431XYlJXI1vy

not something i'd usually listen to but today i took my wee cousin to the cinema (well, he was 11 last week), we were sitting in a rather horrible cafe drinking hot chocolate and talking about life and stuff and that song was playing.

Blue Peter (part 2)

1) decide to make cakes. decide they will be amazing.

2) realise there is nothing to make cakes out of.

3) go to shop. get cold. run. hurt ankles. hobble.

4) do difficult calculations (58x3)

5) buy chocolate.

6) walk home. get shouted at by strange men in cars.

7)


8)


9) chop stuff up into little pieces.

10) MELT!

11) Mess.12) stir. (quite a lot of stirring required here)



13) Place in cases. Decorate!


14) eat!

Why I Shoudn't Be Allowed To Write When I'm In This Sort Of Mood...

This is what my calendar said today:

Firstly, it said that today in 1898 The American composer George Gershwin was born.

So, Happy Birthday George! Hope you had a nice day, with presents and stuff. and maybe a birthday cake shaped like a musical note or something?

Hang on, if you were born in 1898, you're probably dead...

Oh yes, it would seem that you died in 1937.

Sorry about that.

What was i saying? oh yes, calendar.

Here, this is one of the best things it has said in a while:

"You may rely on people with whom children and dogs make friends."

I have heard a lot of people (although mostly Geoff Lloyd) say that children hate them because they can see their inner-evil.

Children seem to like me most of the time. Its because i smile at them and i smell like playdough + dust and i fall over more often than they do.

Dogs don't like me though... or is it that i don't like dogs? i'm not sure.

I'm no good at judging whether people are nice or evil, i just assume that they are nice until they prove themselves to be otherwise, and even then i'll give them a second chance, unless they do a murder or something... even then i might give them a second chance... maybe not. I think it would depend on who they murdered. Maybe that's why people think i'm naive?

Maybe i should carry a small child around with me at all times, then they can tell me who is good and who is evil. That would help avoid horrible situations. Then agian, this child couldn't be too small... old enough to be able to explain to me effectivly who is good and who is evil, but then again, the child couldn't be too big either, i wouldn't be able to take them everywhere with me... ok. i need a medium sized child. i wonder where you'd get one of those from?



Do you think i'm weird now because i said that i didn't like dogs? Its not that i don't actually like them, i'm just a bit scared of them... well, not scared of them really, just scared that they'll hate me and try to eat my face. There used to be this dog that lived down the road, it was called Pepper, it seemed alright, but then one day we were playing with it and it just jumped up and bit my next-door neighbour's nose. It was all broken and bleeding (the nose, not the dog).

This blog is rubbish.

This is usually the part where i read it and take out off of the stuff that i've typed without thinking about but if i did that with this blog, there wouldn't be any blog left... maybe just these words:

inner-evil, otherwise, dust, bleeding.

I thought about those words quite a lot. Not because i particulary like those words, just because i had to think for a little bit to make sure that those were the words that i wanted to use.

Also, i'm really rather tired.