My Day.

Hey, you know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to choose a town with pretty bad transport links.

I'm going to choose a very tall and inaccessible hill in this town.

This hill must - 1) go up and down a lot. 2) be at least a mile from the nearest train station. 3) have pretty reckless drivers living nearby.

I'm going to go to the top of this hill - where there is a wood - *obviously* (complete with dog shit and flashers)  and i'm going to build something there...

But what shall I build? A prison? (i mean, it would be pretty hard to escape!) a mental asylum? (ditto) maybe some offices?

NO!

I've got it! A school!

Should we open this school for the local children, i hear you ask?

NO!

Let's make it so that girls from various places across the borough and even central London can commute here!

Hooray! What i good idea! I can see no flaws in this plan at all.

Snow? Ice? What on earth do you mean? I have never heard of these before in my life...

-_-

That is all.

I Love Mad People

I need to tell you about the amazing man i met today.

Right, imagine the scene, i'm in Glastonbury. In a shop. I'm not sure what it was called but it sold jewellery and windchimes and little statues and scented candles and other stuff. There was no one else in the shop except for the man behind the counter, i don't know his name, he had a beard. It smelt strongly of something, i don't know what, but it was making me feel a bit sleepy.

Man - "Good Evening" (it was about two o'clock in the afternoon)

Me - "Oh, hello"

Man - *signals for me to come a bit closer, leans towards me as if he was going to tell me a secret* "Are you a fairy?"

Me - "erm... yes." (well, what else could i have said?)

"Fantastic! There aren't many of us left now days, i just knew, i just knew, i could tell as soon of you walked into the shop."

"mmm, yes. So... you're a fairy too?"

"Of course! of course... are you a fairy princess?"

"erm... yes" (i was starting to feel VERY awkward by now)

"Amazing! Of course you are! i just knew... i could just tell! you have that look about you, my wife was also a princess... she's dead now though." *grabs my hand, kisses it* "an honour to meet you!"

*nervous laughter* "yes, you too"

"Are you from Scotland?"

"No, London."

"Ah yes, yes, i always get those accents mixed up"

"And you're from Glastonbury?"

"Yes... i've always been here, it's the best place for the likes of us. I should like to go to London one day but i think it may be a little too far to walk"

I started to say something about driving or getting a train but i stopped myself. Then we stood there for a few second, staring at eachother.

"I think i have to go now"

"Of course, of course, it was lovely meeting you. Would you like a bracelet?"

"I don't really have enough money"

"No! Take it, take it for free! There's no charge for my fellow fairies"

"Oh thank you"

"Goodbye! Send my greetings to the fairies of Scotland"

"Bye"

He was awesome.

ASDA

I went to Asda. I don't know why; there's about 5 Tescos, 4 Sainsburys, 3 Waitrose and a Morrisons all closer to my house but for some reason i went to Asda.

I am never going again.

Who was it that first decided that supermarkets have to be MASSIVE? Do they really need to sell clothes and garden furniture and televisions and CDs and have pharmacies and opticians and at least one cafe? Really?

My nearest Asda is in Swanley. I looked at Wikipedia to find something interesting about Swanley to tell you, i found this - "Fat Heather from Eastenders now lives here, she can be seen frequently at the local Woolwhich Bank every Thursday morning between the hours of 9:00 and 12:00". Fascinating.

There's that blog, Overheard on The London Underground, i think there should probably be some sort of collection of "overheard in Asda". I'll start.

"Yeah... get them beans, they're french aren't they? right posh, and i think he went to france once."

Man "shall we get this candle."
His wife "no."
Man "but it smells nice"
His wife "it smells like horse vomit"

Woman in the cosmetics isle "I need some REALLY strong moisturiser, REALLY strong, i practically need a chisel to deal with the skin on my feet"
On hearing this I actually let out a fairly audible "eeeewwwwwww"

I was standing looking a fresh herbs when a small boy holding a gun shouted at me "BANG! you're dead"
Me "oh, ok."
Him "NO, i shot you, you're DEAD."
Me "Yes, i'm dead"
Him "no you're not! DIE DIE DIE"
Me "Ahhh. I'm dead."
Him "Dead people don't talk."
Me "Sorry"
*silence*
Him "Good." *walks away*

Fairly large old woman to me "you're standing in front of the sandwich bags"
Me "I know, i'm just deciding which ones to get"
Her "well move. I know exactly which ones i'm going to get. unlike you, i came prepared"
Me "ok." *moves*
Her *tutting* "look at your legs"
Me *looks*
Her "are your legs SWOLLEN?"
Me "no"
Her "mine are."
Me "uhhhh, ok." *walks away very quickly*

Woman, waving a dress at me "Be honest, would I look like an oompa-loompa in this?"

A Recipe For Brilliant Friends

There are very few people i could spend almost 72 hours, without sleeping, with and still love afterwards. I think, when you've found someone you could do that with, then you have a proper best friend. I'm lucky - i have 2.

Best friends also have to:

- not care when you endlessly take the piss out of them.

- make you laugh so much that you think you're going to throw up your lungs.

- be willing to eat food that you've spat out.

- be thinking exactly the same thing as you so that when you break out into spontaneous dancing, you're both doing exactly the same thing. 

- never be too embarrassed to go out in public with you, especially when you're dressed like THAT:

I was sitting outside Bromley South station on Wednesday morning when i thought "i must actually be quite brave to go out wearing this". I was wearing this. 

I realised later that it was probably a mistake wearing such alarming tights. STOP STARING AT MY LEGS!! But my friend was wearing flowery leggings and bright pink DMs. People on the tube were looking at us.

The next day i wore black shorts, red tights, a white vest top and a blue shirt. 

The red tights got laddered so i took them off. 

My parents didn't say anything. 

So i decided to see how far it could go. i took the shirt off and just wore the shorts and vest top.

Still, nobody said anything. 

So i put the shirt back on, took off the vest top, did the top 3 shirt buttons up then rolled the rest of it up.

Nothing.

So i took my shoes off. 

Then walked out the house with my friend. Two minutes later i got too embarrassed so turned back and declared "You call yourself PARENTS??! i have just left the house wearing almost no clothes!! you're supposed to tell me off! you're supposed to CARE!? you have just let me leave the house looking like a complete slut!!"

Their response - "Oh." 

Nice to know that they take an interest in me. 

Anyway, i got sidetracked. 

-You need to have similar interests to your best friend. We like IKEA. 

So we went to IKEA. It was fun. I bought these beautiful things.

Any Swedish speaking people reading this? Does "påsk" mean Easter? 

-We went to the Natural History Museum on Wednesday. It's very important that your best friend will want to go to cool places like that with you and won't laugh at you for suggesting it.

-Possibly most importantly, you have to know some of the same people in order to laugh about them behind their back.

We made this playlist. 9N It's people in our class, we tried to use the best possible songs but for some of them we didn't have much choice. 

Finally, i have discovered something even better than facebook stalking - formspring stalking. This is the most irritating person in the world's formspring: http://www.formspring.me/IshabelP I will give a prize to the first person able to guess which of the questions i have asked her. 

Here's a video my other best friend made. She has this amazing talent of always taking dreadful photos of me. Anyway, enjoy. (you might remember those cakes from this blog)

Ironbridge...

"Emma, you smell."

"Oh. What do i smell of?"

"Sort of... red bull and mud and old people."

"That's a good thing - right?"

"No, definitely a bad thing - you smell like you haven't showered for three days."

"Ah! That'll be because i haven't showered for three days".

I think this conversation i had with my friend Emma earlier today sums up our trip to Ironbridge quite well.

Here's some other words that i collected in my head and pictures that i collected in my camera whilst i was on a school trip over the last couple of days:

This is our room - it was very big. but also very cold, and rather messy. Notice Nancy (on the right) eating a lot of biscuits.

"I love these biscuits! can i have one? my mum never buys them for me because i eat them all at once, but i really like them and she never buys them so i have to eat them all at once..."

"It's a vicious circle really?"

"Yes. A vicious biscuit circle full of vicious biscuits."

We discovered that it isn't possible to escape. (Nancy is wearing my shower-hat, Emma is wearing my underwear)

This is THE IRON BRIDGE. It's interesting. But not interesting enough to spend 2 hours looking at it.

More biscuit eating.



We went to a victorian village. This is my favourite poster, others prefered this one...



But i'm not that immature...



Inside a furnace - it was muddier than you'd expect it to be.



This is me and Arbraham Darby - he invented cast iron. His eyes scared me.

WH Smiths dancing. With coffee.

Just before i leave you in peace - who can beat my Friday night? I played Scrabble with 4 of my friends, 4 of my teachers and a man called Mr Khaleed (who doesn't speak english) whilst Mr Hunt (an IT teacher) played the guitar. Mr Khaleed won.

The Buddhapadipa Temple

This is about buddhism.

Sort of.

Recently, i've been writing about buddhist monks for an RS project. But, before this, we went on a school trip to the Buddhapadipa Temple in Wimbledon.

As a general rule, i like school trips. Whatever they are, they have to be better than actual school.

This trip was... interesting.

To be honest, it was ages ago... i can't remember that much about it, except that i fell over and a buddhist monk saw my knickers, then laughed.

But as i was looking for pictures to stick in my project, i found these. I thought you might like to see them.

This is the temple. It's pretty.



This is a pond. It's also pretty.




Like very small children, we were fascinated by the fact we could see our reflections in the pond.



This is a parrot.

This is Jesus. I'm not sure what he was doing there.



These are my friends, racing up some steps



Here they are again, once they reached the top of the steps.

So there you go. Another pointless blog.

happy porret and the scary lady with popcorn in her hair (and probably swine flu)

hello. i went to see Harry Potter last night (or as i keep putting: Happy Porret). i shan't review every bit of it, because that would be boring and i'd probably get it all wrong, so i will say this:

i liked it, i did all the right things (jumped at the loud bits, hid at the scary bits, laughed at the funny bits and cried at the end).

my dad asked when it was going to finish every 10 minutes and kept asking who people were/what they were doing/ why harry didn't just 'zapp' them.

my mum said it would have been better if johnny depp was in it.

jordan fell asleep.

i would have enjoyed it more if it weren't for the fact i was slowly freezing to death in my seat and if i weren't quite so angry. here is why:

my mother went into the cinema to get some seats whilst my dad parked the car and jordan and i bought sweets and popcorn. my mother has an extraordinary talent for choosing the worst seats in the whole place, the ones she chose were directly under the air conditioning, the floor was awfully sticky but most importantly, there was about 3 cm between our chairs and the row in front. that was ok for my mother and jordan because they're shorties (honestly, they are), it wasn't too bad for my father as he sat with his legs stretched out into the isle-bit, but it caused a bit of a problem for me. i have quite long legs (unproportionally long) you see, by rights i should be a short person but my long legs make me a normal height (i also think they're what causes me to fall over as often as i do). anyhoo, i had nothing to do with them, so i squished them against the seat in front and tried to think about other things. 10 minutes into the film, the woman in front (who i can't help noticing was very short) turns round and says "excuse me, would you mind moving your legs, they're squished against my chair." this confuses me because a) did she think i hadn't noticed that my legs were rather squished? and b) where did she expect me to put them? so i ignored her, until 10 minutes later she turned round again, i ignored her again. the 3rd time i asked her where she expected me to put my legs, she replied "i don't care, anywhere else". so i did, i took off my shoes and placed my legs over the seat in front, over her left shoulder. i got a disgusted look, jordan, my father and i were in hysterics but i moved them after a dirty look from my mother. so i spent the rest of the film "sitting like i was doing an impression of a pretzel" (as jordan put it). but i had my revenge in the only way i saw fit. how would you get your revenge when sitting in a cinema with nothing but swine-flu and some popcorn?