I really don't know why. Now i think about it, it seems like a strange thing to do and a bit of a waste of time. My face is a mess, i have teeth that make me look a bit like a rat, an "overly pointy nose" - to quote a boy that i once fancied, eyes that can't decide what colour they want to be, wonky ears, my glasses are permanently filthy and hair that sticks up at unnatural angles, not to mention my skin-tone that makes me look constantly unwell. I don't mind, and I'm definitely not looking for sympathy - i think it suits my personality and even though i hate being called "cute" at least people don't run away screaming:
"MY EYES! MY EYES! WHAT IS THAT MONSTROSITY!?"
But now, to add to my badly thrown together features, i have very neat and pointy eyebrows. Which is odd. I'm sort of hoping that next time i go out, people will look at me and the first thing they will say is:
"Nice eyebrows!"
not because i like getting compliments - i hate compliments but it would make me laugh. a lot.
Someone who falls over as much as i do just sort of gets used to pain, i don't make a fuss unless something really really hurts. Having your eyebrows waxed really really hurts. Just a warning.
You may be asking yourself "why, if she thinks it's a waste of time, did she get her eyebrows waxed". Or you may not be thinking that, i don't know. Mrs Bodenham, one of the wisest people i know once told me never to make assumptions because they will ALWAYS be wrong. always.
Anyhoo, i got side tracked... Here is why: i was bored.
Honestly, i had absolutely nothing better to be doing, i have spent the last week, waking up at 12ish, then listening to music and staring out of the window for a few hours, going to the gym, doing a bit more staring, then going to bed at about 12.
So this morning, my mother came into my room and said, "Shall we go and play some golf today?" and i said,
"No. because golf is for old people in stupid trousers." I think that might have upset her a bit but she then looked at my face for quite a while, then in a very disapproving way said,
"You're nearly 14, you should do something with your eyebrows." Of course, i did think this was an odd thing to say, but as we've already established, in the land of the weird, my mother is the weirdest.
So, because i thought it might be an interesting experience, i said ok.
It wasn't really an interesting experience. Unless you think a woman with badly died hair and too much fake tan, looming over you with a paint brush is interesting. I didn't, i thought it was boring. Then we went to Iceland and i ran around playing "it" with my dad. That was much more interesting. (and i wonder why my mother despairs of me!?)
Thepicture is of me - i'm sure you guessed that. It shows me at my tidiest (i was about to go to my grandmother's house) it also demonstrates my dreadful mirror picture taking. Oh well, you're not really that interested, i can tell.
Today, i have been to the gym. Not because I'm a mental middle aged woman desperately trying to not look like a middle aged woman. No, i went to the gym because my mother is a mental middle aged woman desperately trying to not look like a middle aged woman and she's also a little shy. So i said that if it would make her feel better, i would go to the gym with her and make sure none of the bigger mental people pick on her. I did this because i am a wonderful daughter, also so that next time she starts shouting at me for being rude/untidy/forgetful/an awful human being, i can bring up the fact that I've sacrificed much of my precious sitting-in-my-room-being-a-moody-teenager time to go to the gym with her so that she can be a size 10 by Christmas (i have asked Christmas in which year but got a dirty look and no answer).
To prove that I'm definitely not a mental health obsessed person (also to annoy my mother just a little bit), i came home and ate a slice of the most wonderful chocolate cake ever invented. yummy. I enjoyed it even more as my mother sat next to me, glaring at me in a way that clearly said "i hate you". Just as she stood up to go to the kitchen and get herself a slice of cake, my calendar's daily wisdom came in useful once again, i said:
"Winners never quit. Quitters never win."
I'm not really sure what that means but it seemed like a good thing to say. I thought it was a nice, encouraging thing to say, but the response from my mother was "You sound like a fucking life coach." followed by much stomping about and cake-eating.
(I don't think she even appreciated the excellence of the chocolate and Guinness cake as much as she should have - if you don't believe me, ask Kathy. (ohhh! i can do those link things! excting!)
The gym was rather boring. But I showed my wounded arm to a random man who was doing some rowing (not actual rowing with water and stuff - he was using a rowing machine) and kept making weird noises. he looked at it, then said "ooh! that looks nasty." that pleased me, that's the most sympathy i've got since i fell over.
"Today in 1982 - The notorious Kray Twins were allowed out of prison for their mother's funeral." i watched a documentary about the Kray twins once, i don't remember much about it except they killed a man called Jack The Hat, which is an amazing name - how do you get a nickname like that?!
when i close my eyes i see scary things... so i try not to close my eyes... i try very very hard - just staring at the wall. but. then. by accident. i blink... AHHHH! there they are again... being scary...
"Behold the turtle; he only makes progress when he sticks his neck out"
That's what my calendar is telling me today. I may have said before, but my calendar is one of the smartest people i know. Everyday, he shares a little of his wisdom as well as an interesting fact that always makes me go "Oh! i NEVER knew that!". For example, did you know that today in 1977, Queen Elizabeth II visited Northern Ireland for the first time in 11 years? I bet you didn't know that, did you? Once you have a lovely little fact like that, you can use it in conversation, not only does it impress people but it sometimes baffles them (to your advantage), it is also a very very good awkward silence filler. I know, it's a lot to take in, so i'll give you some examples:
Eg. 1
(there was some conversation before this - it would be weird otherwise)
..."Yes, my dog used to do that all the time when he was a puppy"
"Oh, that's nice, what's your dog called?"
"Francis... He's dead now."
"I'm very sorry to hear that!"
"It's ok, he was a horrible little thing so i shot him."
*very long and awkward silence*
You: "Did you know that today in 1977, Queen Elizabeth II visited Northern Ireland for the first time in 11 years?"
Eg. 2
"Stephanie, you STILL haven't found your maths book?"
"erm... no"
"have you even looked for it?"
"err...well... did you know that today in 1977, Queen Elizabeth II visited Northern Ireland for the first time in 11 years?"
"really, i NEVER knew that!"
See, my random facts have got me out of many a sticky situation.
Anyway, my point is (yes, this does actually have a point)... i like my calendar very very much. where did i get it? i stole it from my father's desk. which proves that stealing is probably a good thing.
(actually, that wasn't my point, i went to eat dinner just after i wrote "i like my calendar very..." and when i came back, i'd completely forgotten what i was going to say)
also, do you like that turtle picture? he's called George, he's 70 and lives in Ras Mohammed. i met him, he's awfully nice :)
today i am sad. and here is why: today is exactly 1 year since i lost little hedgehog.
little hedgehog (also known as hodgepig) was my most favourite teddy ever. he was a tiny little furry hedgehog which was just the right size to fit in my coat pocket. i took him absolutely everywhere with me until i started secondary school - then i thought i might look a bit odd carrying him about but he still lived in my school bag. at night, he slept next to me on my pillow. i'd lost him sever hundred times, i was always leaving him in the school playground or in the garden, under the tranpoline. i''ve left him in a countless number of the shops in bromley. he's been left at my grandparent's house and had to be posted home and when i broke my foot in year 6, i left him in the hospital. but i always got him back. last year, on this day, i was in egypt, scuba diving in the red sea with my dad - something that i enjoy a lot. so every morning we (me, my dad, little hedgehog) would leave at half past six, to get to the dive centre by 7. we would then get the dive centre mini bus to the docks and be on our dive boat by 9 o'clock. we would spend the day, diving, snorkling, eating rice ('coz that's the only think little hedgehog and i would eat) and reading books in the sun. it was our 4th day of diving (my dad and i were trying to get to 15 by the end of that holiday - we didn't manage it) and i was having an excellent day, we dived at Ras Katy in the morning and Near Garden in the afternoon, we'd seen an octopus - which makes me happy and 10 barracudas - which made my dad happy (can you tell i've just been typing up my log book so far) anyhoo, we got off the boat and my dad said he'd buy me and Tia (my little 4 year old friend) an ice-cream - which was also very exciting. it wasn't until we were nearly back at the hotel that i realised that i didn't have little hedgehog. i was completely distraught, i looked for him for hours. i even walked down to the docks on my own that night to try and find him but he was well and truely gone. even though it's 1 year later, and it's a bit stupid, i still miss him and i still feel guilty that i didn't find him. i like to think that sarah (my dive instructor at the time) will have found him and picked him up and i hope he will be living on the dive boat, enjoying the sun and making new friends, or that Tia will have found him and taken him home to be with her many other toys.
i woke at quarter to 5 when my alarm went off thismorning (i have no idea why it was so early). it's the first time in ages that i've actually woken up when my alarm went off. anyhoo, i must have decided that being awake that early means it's a school day. so i got up. i had a shower and put my school uniform on and packed my school bag and... that's all i remember. i woke up at 8, in my school uniform, sitting on my very tidily made bed. which is also very odd, i don't ever make my bed. is this proof that i'm finally losing it?
hello. i went to see Harry Potter last night (or as i keep putting: Happy Porret). i shan't review every bit of it, because that would be boring and i'd probably get it all wrong, so i will say this:
i liked it, i did all the right things (jumped at the loud bits, hid at the scary bits, laughed at the funny bits and cried at the end).
my dad asked when it was going to finish every 10 minutes and kept asking who people were/what they were doing/ why harry didn't just 'zapp' them.
my mum said it would have been better if johnny depp was in it.
jordan fell asleep.
i would have enjoyed it more if it weren't for the fact i was slowly freezing to death in my seat and if i weren't quite so angry. here is why:
my mother went into the cinema to get some seats whilst my dad parked the car and jordan and i bought sweets and popcorn. my mother has an extraordinary talent for choosing the worst seats in the whole place, the ones she chose were directly under the air conditioning, the floor was awfully sticky but most importantly, there was about 3 cm between our chairs and the row in front. that was ok for my mother and jordan because they're shorties (honestly, they are), it wasn't too bad for my father as he sat with his legs stretched out into the isle-bit, but it caused a bit of a problem for me. i have quite long legs (unproportionally long) you see, by rights i should be a short person but my long legs make me a normal height (i also think they're what causes me to fall over as often as i do). anyhoo, i had nothing to do with them, so i squished them against the seat in front and tried to think about other things. 10 minutes into the film, the woman in front (who i can't help noticing was very short) turns round and says "excuse me, would you mind moving your legs, they're squished against my chair." this confuses me because a) did she think i hadn't noticed that my legs were rather squished? and b) where did she expect me to put them? so i ignored her, until 10 minutes later she turned round again, i ignored her again. the 3rd time i asked her where she expected me to put my legs, she replied "i don't care, anywhere else". so i did, i took off my shoes and placed my legs over the seat in front, over her left shoulder. i got a disgusted look, jordan, my father and i were in hysterics but i moved them after a dirty look from my mother. so i spent the rest of the film "sitting like i was doing an impression of a pretzel" (as jordan put it). but i had my revenge in the only way i saw fit. how would you get your revenge when sitting in a cinema with nothing but swine-flu and some popcorn?
today is comemoration day at my school, it is quite possibly the best day of the year, and i wasn't there. because i'm STILL ill. there is a cake competition and my class made a multicolored cactus-wearing-a-sombrero, sweet filled (like a piniata) cake. i can't wait to see the pictures! i am sad because i missed it but more sad because i was supposed to be in the 3 legged race. and as emma pointed out - she's only 2 legs without me. we practiced and everything. we were going to win and if we didn't win, we were going to come second. nicole and peppers were competeing from S. they won last year but this year we had tactics... if they were ahead of us, we'd have pushed them over! to be honest, last time we didn't actually finish the race, she fell over, then i fell over, then we couldn't stop laughing. this year was our chance to redeem ourselves and me and this stupid swine flu have ruined it all. oh well, next year then. definately.
