"Pictures Of Last Night Ended Up Online... I'm Screwed"

Birthday = done.

I'm 15 now. That feels quite old. I feel like i should be hanging round in shopping centres with my hood up, spitting at people. I won't... but i could.

I must say, despite everything, this was a very very nice birthday. The nicest for a long time.

My friends were very sweet, buying me starbucks hot chocolate and giving it to me on the bus, making me really pretty birthday cards and giving me a strange yet completely perfect selection of presents. Including: a Jedward poster (which i'm not allowed to put up), DVDs of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and The Lovely Bones, CDs, a book, a LOT of chocolate and cute stationary. And bubbles.

Oh yes... and i got an iPhone. EEK!

I love it. I can never ever get signal... but i still love it.

I had a party on Friday, we ate pizza and played on Wii Just Dance and generally had a good time. I decided this would be the perfect opportunity to play with the camera on my iPhone. I made this, enjoy:





Um... that's it.

School. And Emergency Services.

Well, this week school has been DRAMATIC... maybe not dramatic enough to be made into a film, but definitely dramatic enough for a couple of episodes of Casualty.

So, the first interesting thing that happened was on Monday morning. I got into school to learn that a girl in my year has been expelled. Apparently she hit one of the PE teachers after being told to put her phone away then getting into a shouty, sweary argument. I am not all that surprised by this (she's not exactly my favourite person in the world), in fact, i will probably be quite pleased once she's gone, being around her makes me nervous.

After Monday comes Tuesday. Tuesday, after school there was an under 16s hockey match, i was supposed to be playing but i made up something about having to babysit and went shopping instead. Now i wish i hadn't. A girl in the year above me (again, not one of my favourite people) managed to hospitalise a girl from the other team. It involved a clip hit, straight into the other player's face. If you don't play hockey, a clip hit is like this -



It completely knocked out the girl, as well as knocking out 4 of her teeth and breaking her nose. She left in an ambulance... most other players managed to get covered in her blood. Actually, maybe it was best that i wasn't there.

Ok, so yesterday's dramaticness will take a bit of explaining. You see, at my school there's this stupid rule - you aren't allowed to carry your school bag around with you. And our uniform doesn't really have any pockets. This means that people have to leave their valuable stuff in their lockers or in their school bags, in their form room. That's all very well, until someone starts stealing things. It started about 3 months ago, students were having money stolen but recently it's not only been students - teachers too and not only money - vouchers, phones and iPods as well. I've had £15 stolen - all my lunch money over a few weeks. £140 has been stolen from my form room alone and around £700 plus other things from around the school.
Some clever year 11s worked out that it probably wouldn't have been a student - it would be too hard for them to keep all this stolen stuff a secret from everyone else, there wasn't a single class that didn't have anything stolen and it couldn't have been a teacher, they'd be easy to spot on the CCTV (which is only in the corridors). Therefore, it was probably one of the cleaners. They told their suspicions to one of the teachers but the teachers decided it wasn't possible - they were still convinced it was a student. SO, one afternoon this week, Tuesday i think, they left a purse with money in on one of the desks whilst the class went to assembly, all of them except for one, who hid in the cupboard with her camera phone. She filmed the cleaner taking the money from the purse AND going through other people's bag looking for money. Then, on Wednesday lunchtime the police came and the cleaner was arrested. It was very exciting, everyone went down to watch and the teachers didn't even bother to shoo them away. Again, i missed this, i was... guess what? playing hockey. But i did get back in time to see everyone leaving and hear EVERYONE'S version of the story, some people insisting she stole £2000! (i said £700 because that's what the teachers told us).

The next (and last) DRAMATIC thing that happened was thismorning, as i was walking into school. All of a sudden, about 10 weeping, screaming year 8s barged past me, towards school. They were followed by my friend Nancy who grabbed me then shouted in my face "OHMYGOD!! JADE JUST GOT HIT BY A CAR". Ach. I have seen two car accidents in my life, both were horrible. The first involved a car and a motorbike and gave me awful nightmares for months. The second caused me to faint, whilst i was on a bus. I'm really not good with that sort of thing, so although Nancy tried to drag me back to see what had happened, i went into school and sat, waiting to hear what had happened. I didn't hear anything, until a few hours ago when i got a text saying that she's ok. I am relieved. I don't even like her that much, but i was worried about her.

Oh, and this isn't at all DRAMATIC but i feel the need to tell you - remember that Latin test i had a few weeks ago? no? i complained about it enough! Well i got it back today - i got 90% which i am VERY VERY happy with!

The Science of The Combover

A comb over or combover is a hairstyle worn by bald or balding men in which the hair on one side of the head is grown long and then combed over the bald area to minimize the display of baldness."

-----

"Peter's combover is back."

This sentence was said to me a while ago. It is, of course, referring to my Uncle Peter. A few months ago he got rid of his combover. We had a party. He no longer looked like a paedophile.

"oh dear"

However, i am beginning to wonder HOW it "came back"?!

I don't know a lot about old men's hair, in fact, i try to avoid thinking about it at all costs, but surely you don't just wake up one morning, look in the mirror and think "goodness me, i have a combover".

This has got me think about the transitional stage from no combover to combover...

It must take a fair few months to grow hair long enough to go right over the head and cover the bald bit. How often do you see a man with a bald patch on top, very short hair one side of their head and long hair on the other side?

Or do you grow it both sides with a bald patch in the middle so you look like you have hairy spaniel ears for a while?

But then, once you've got this particularly ridiculous hairstyle, what do you do with it every morning? You brush it all down one side of your face, then... sort of... FLOP...? Do you have to straighten it first, with GHDs?

What is the problem with just being bald? Are you worried about your head getting cold, is that it? If so, why not wear a hat? You are essentially, creating your own hat out of the hair still attached to your head. That's like making a pair of trousers out of your own leg hair or shoes made from your toenails... (yes, i am also feeling a bit sick thinking about that. sorry.)

And then, what about standing in a strong wind?

How many times have you been watching the news when a presenter is standing in front of that big sign at Scotland Yard or something, telling you about a terrible murder case or something equally as serious whilst their hair is doing it's only little dance? IT'S DISTRACTING.

What about running for a bus? First thing in the morning.... you're going to have to spend the rest of the day looking like this:

That is, if you're a wizard.

And what about when it's sunny? Do you get a strange striped tan pattern on the top of your head? Do you put suncream on UNDER the hair???

The more i think about them, the most questions pop into my head!

But i must stop now, before i go a little mad.

SO, in conclusion:

The Combover - Just Don't.

This Terrified Look...

Parents evening. The most dreaded evening of the year?

The one time when the people who boss you about and constantly tell you you're not good enough at school meet those who boss you about and constantly tell you you're not good enough at home.

Teachers have 5 minutes to sum up a whole year of hard work and not so hard work and too short skirts and make-up and too much talking and not enough talking and staring into space and missing maths books and "disappointing" test scores and non existent pieces of homework and "target minimum grades"... how are you supposed to express all that in 5 minutes?! actually... i'll take that back, i've managed to express it all in 1 paragraph.

However, i have learnt that most teachers chose to ignore these subjects completely, instead they like to bring up "issues" that really, don't need to be brought up in front of my parents. They just do it because they assume you aren't going to shout at them and leave the room when you're sitting next to your parents. Cowardly Idiots.

Our first appointment was with my Latin teacher, Miss C who is so delightfully mental, i
think probably deserves a blogpost of her own. Well today she suggested i learn Romanian... ?!! i'm having enough trouble with Spanish and French and Latin as it is thank you... i don't know any Romanian people. i'm not even that sure where Romania is?...

oh. there it is.



anyway, where was i?

Oh yes.

There did seem to be a "theme" running through all of the teacher's opinions of me.

"this terrified look"...

"she sits there silently, looking completely terrified or staring into space."

At least 3 of my teachers said those EXACT words.

Maybe the staring into space bit is true, and the silent bit. But i don't look terrified, this is my normal facial expression. Do i look permanently petrified?

Also, i am pretty sure a teacher shouldn't describe a student as "a panicky little bundle of nerves". Even if it IS true...

Another thing i learnt today is that my English teacher actually spies on me. He mentioned a conversation he overheard me having with my friend at the train station yesterday morning. He really shouldn't have been listening should he?

I'm not going to complain though, he was one of the two teachers who said something vaguely nice about me. He said i was the best student in year 9 with A-level knowledge of English. And that was the first time my mother has been proud of me in about 3 years. And that was nice.

Was there a point to this blog? Have i made it yet? Who knows...

Experiment

Last night, as i sat, thinking about how hungry i was and making yet another hopeless attempt to tidy my desk, i found A Candy Cane! I bought this candy cane from a Victorian town i went to in Ironbridge.

That was when i thought this "What are Candy Canes actually made from?". As you may know, no thought can go through my head without being put directly onto twitter, (honestly, i'm thinking about inventing some sort of hat that just automatically tweets every thought i have, it would save A LOT of time).

Here are the answers i got from twitter:

Candy.
Sugar.
The same sort of stuff as boiled sweets.
Sugar
Flavourings
Sugar
Colourings
MORE SUGAR.

My next thought was "hmm... i wonder what would happen if i ate a whole Candy Cane before going to bed.".

I'm sure lots of people have thought this before. I'm not too sure how many of those people have actually gone ahead and done it.

I did.

And i did it IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE. I did it so you don't have to. I did it because i am silly.

Here is some background info, previously that day i had eaten, a slice of toast, a mince pie, a jelly snake.

Here is what happened:

I went a bit hyper.

I listened to Snow Patrol (i know, odd)

I didn't sleep for quite a while.

I drew a picture of a Bunsen Burner.

IT TURNED MY SPIT PINK. There is proof of this - the fact that i dribble when i'm asleep and this morning, my pillow and my teddy's head are slightly pink. That was a bit weird.

So, although i wouldn't recommend it, eating a Candy Cane before you go to sleep doesn't do anything too exciting.

That is all.

only 2 legs

today is comemoration day at my school, it is quite possibly the best day of the year, and i wasn't there. because i'm STILL ill. there is a cake competition and my class made a multicolored cactus-wearing-a-sombrero, sweet filled (like a piniata) cake. i can't wait to see the pictures! i am sad because i missed it but more sad because i was supposed to be in the 3 legged race. and as emma pointed out - she's only 2 legs without me. we practiced and everything. we were going to win and if we didn't win, we were going to come second. nicole and peppers were competeing from S. they won last year but this year we had tactics... if they were ahead of us, we'd have pushed them over! to be honest, last time we didn't actually finish the race, she fell over, then i fell over, then we couldn't stop laughing. this year was our chance to redeem ourselves and me and this stupid swine flu have ruined it all. oh well, next year then. definately.